A Journey Worth Taking: What The World Needs Now

A Journey Worth Taking: What The World Needs Now: Are our society's human relations damaged beyond repair? Are compassion, understanding and tolerance becoming extinct? Do self-care and...

What The World Needs Now

Are our society's human relations damaged beyond repair? Are compassion, understanding and tolerance becoming extinct? Do self-care and consideration for others have to be exclusive of one another? God I hope not! These things came to mind recently when I had an issue with someone that I am dating and I brought it up in an online weight loss surgery forum for an objective opinion. The issue itself isn't important, but what is important to me was the overwhelming narrow-minded dis-compassionate response I got from almost everyone. I am sad to say, mostly from women. 

Why are we so quick to string someone up by their toenails when an issue arises rather than examine things from both sides, especially ourselves. I find personal inventory is unbelievably non-existent.  The easy way of throwing out the baby with the bath water was much more spoken about than discussing and working through a problem. I really don't get it. On top of that, my character was bombarded with several inaccurate negative judgments. Have people really become this angry and intolerant of someone's behavior that we can't discuss it before immediately labeling them as pond scum?? Do we really believe that everyone speak or act perfectly at ever turn? Is it so difficult to look at our own role in a relationship issue? Wow, a scary thought for sure.

It is alarming to me how on so-called "reality tv" shows revere staunch war for simple disagreements of opinions and unsavory traits. Are we that addicted to drama? When did we become so harsh? I am not in any way shape or form saying to not voice disharmony when something is annoying or hurting us, not at all, but I don't think we have to permanently dislodge someone from our lives because they said something negative. What I am saying is I think we need to examine and talk about said problems. In fact it is our responsibility to inform the person that your behavior is effecting me, please stop. Even if it takes a few times to get the point across; learned behavior is a process and may require us to speak up more than once, and that's ok. There are always two people in every relationship.

I was quite shocked at how defensive women got by my expressing disagreement with their opinions. You would have thought I slapped them in the face. Actually the issue I was referring to turned out to be a communication thing more than an actual issue and partially my own fault. That is my point, we all need to look at our own role when something is upsetting us. It is so important to communicate as cleanly has possible as much as possible. It was disturbing how angry and intolerant the woman in this forum were and how quickly they were ready to crucify and judge me. I am not so sure we don't need a refresher course in human relations. Aren't we still brethren of the same universe? Remember kindness, compassion, understanding, and tolerance? If you look real hard, you can almost see them in the distance.

A Journey Worth Taking: In This Moment

A Journey Worth Taking: In This Moment: In this moment I feel at peace. In this moment I believe in myself. In this moment I know my weight loss surgery was the best thing I e...

In This Moment

In this moment I feel at peace.

In this moment I believe in myself.

In this moment I know my weight loss surgery was the best thing I ever did for myself.

In this moment I can celebrate.

In this moment I feel happy.

This moment is all I really have. It's amazing how much I think about and try to orchestrate the future outcomes of my life. It's also amazing how little I can actually orchestrate The future outcomes of my life. I realized recently how much of a control freak I am. Not when it comes to other people, but when it comes to the way I want things to go for me. For some strange reason, I believe that if I do things perfectly, in a precise way, I WILL have the desired outcome. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This post will be sort of a mixed bag because of Father's Day and things I want to write about. I got a good report from my surgeon's office, I lost another 13 pounds last month and I am thrilled. I read a lot of posts from fellow bariatric surgery patients and how much they do everything they are supposed to and are not losing weight. They are most likely at a stall but it speaks to prove my point that you can do everything right and things still won't necessarily go the way you wanted to. We all have to live life on life's terms. That is a hard lesson for me to learn and practice.

I think it is safe to say that after six months of losing weight I have adjusted to eating better and losing weight. It's not always easy, but I am doing it. I am not resisting it. My direction is there. I feel it in my gut (pun, sorry). Dining out is usually challenging; most places give such large portions. I always get three meals out of one. I guess I am a cheap date.

Speaking of dating, I am. I am seeing someone for the first time since my weight loss. I won't go into too much detail yet, but the one thing I notice is how much better my sense of self is. How much more I value myself and how I am much more ready to let someone love me. It's amazes me. It's sad, but unfortunately weight plays into that so much. I am always afraid to say that things are going well, because when they don't I will feel like an idiot. As if I failed and it's my fault. Even if it is my fault and I fail, so what. I am trying hard to learn that I don't have to be perfect, it doesn't mean I am stupid. I just don't have control over the outcomes I want. It's a good thing too because I firmly believe that things don't work out for a good reason. Things go the way they are supposed to go.

I will write more about my dating life another time, but for now I want to mention Fathers.

How special Fathers are; the strength, the comfort, the example, the protection we get from Fathers is very unique. Fathers are the north star. They are our center, our core.

I have so many memories of my Dad. He was amazing. He didn't have to say much, and his gifts to me were endless. Through their toughness, their children soften them like no one else. It's a very special role in a man's life. I know several Dads and the one thing that make them very special is how they are about their children. Everything else in the world pales in comparison to a man's children. I miss my Dad very much and I hopefully live as the person he taught me to be.

So in this moment, I wish all the Dads out there a very Happy Father's Day.

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is appropriate to talk about at work to how many dates to wait before you have sex to what is cool in fashion or where is the best place to raise a family. Not only are we bombarded with others opinions on everything under the sun, but those opinions change. When we are young we may hear what is the best amount of time to wait before we have sex with a new boyfriend/girlfriend, but by the time we are of dating age, that can change a great deal. We may not have any attachment when we are younger to living in a particular state or city, but when it comes times to choose, we think back to what other's have said. How could we not? It's no wonder we have confusion when it comes time to make important choices.

 

I am wondering if all our lives, we hear so many different opinions, how do we make the best choices when the time comes? Whose voice do we listen to? Like me, if for years you hear how risky weight loss surgery is, how do you go from resistance and fear to taking the risk? It can be an interesting turn of events that leads us to any decision we make, especially the important ones. We may wonder, will I be disappointing my family if my family's members collectively believe it is not a good idea to marry someone of a different religion or race, I go ahead and fall in love with someone of color or a different religion. Am I letting my friends down, if they all like a certain type of music, and I like an offbeat genre that they balk at? Will people who have always said, bariatric surgery is very dangerous be supportive of my decision.

 

Now we all at first reaction say, "Who cares what others think?", but it really is how we come to make our opinions about various things. It's not that we need validation or approval, but we only had other's opinions to go by. So who do you listen to?  In an attempt to make the best decision for us, we listen to what others have had to say and base our opinions on that. Now, I am not saying everyone, always makes their important decisions this way, but it does come into play, more for some than others. No one wants to make a poor choice.

 

I believe the way our decisions are made is by ultimately listening to their own voice. Your own voice is the only one that truly knows what's best for you at any given time. Yes you may get flack for a particular choice, but at the end of the day, the only person we answer to is ourselves. We can weigh all the positive and negative things we know about a particular thing, but ultimately we will do what WE want. The answers for you are in YOU.

 

It is easy to get hung up or confused by many opinions over many years based on changing values and newly learned knowledge. The final action comes when a leap of faith is taken after listening to your own heart. Every outcome will be different for everyone of us and how we feel about something we truly won't know until it is in front of us. It's about the action and the risk. It's about trust. Not only trust that we made the best choice, but trust that if we didn't, we will be ok.

 

When I was deciding to have my surgery, I had this overwhelming calm that no matter what, I would be ok. Whether I lost weight or not, I would come out the other side changed for taking the risk. Nothing has ever changed me more.

A Journey Worth Taking: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

A Journey Worth Taking: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!: I am almost six months out of surgery and my progress and the changes it brings are amazing. I am changing in many ways; when you lose weig...

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

I am almost six months out of surgery and my progress and the changes it brings are amazing. I am changing in many ways; when you lose weight things shift in unexpected ways. My loss is up to about 56 pounds, albeit more to go, I am so pleased. I am having some sciatica pain mostly when I sleep, but for now I can deal. My confidence level has improved too, yay.

I've been thinking a lot lately about fear and what it does. Fears and insecurities are nasty little things that close us off from many things we need or want to experience, but why? Perhaps because all our lives we hear judgments of everything and certain opinions stick with us. We hear, oh it hurts to get a needle in the arm, therefore people expect pain without even knowing if we can stand the little prick or how much it will actually hurt. We hear intimacy leads to heartache and pain, so we shy away from getting close. We give fear so much power over our actions. We build up the unknown in our minds based on what other people experienced, and how could we not; it's all we have to go on. We base our insecurities on our past failures and disappointments and expect the same outcome.

 

After years of doing this the idea of something painful causes us to shutter away from it. The anticipation fear creates is what helps brace us for how it will feel or in some cases make us stay away from the "danger". Yet we have no hard evidence there really is danger. In some cases, it may be even be better. Then the fear of success can lead to building up the feeling of losing what we gained from our risk. We create the insecurity, it's a choice. The best way to overcome our fears is to walk towards them. That gives us the control to feel the fear and master whatever it is you want to experience at the same time seeing that fear is an illusion to be laughed at.

 

There is fear in weight loss surgery and losing weight because what if I lose weight and still don't feel good about myself? What if I am still unattractive? What if I am healthier in some ways but its not enough? What if nothing in my life gets better? The truth is that losing weight guarantees only one thing, you will weigh less and surgery only guarantees you will lose weight. The fear builds up these expectations so high that anything less will be a disappointment. We may pass this along to others, therefore making weight loss and surgery something scary. The illusion vanishes when we realize that like I said in the past everything is a trade off and yes you may gain something by losing weight but lose other things you can't imagine. Faith and trust in ourselves is the strength we have to overcome the fears. You are in control of your fears and how you react to them. Run towards them and they will dissipate.

 

I can't take credit for this but fear has two options: "Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise."

 

A Journey Worth Taking: Who Were You Meant To Be?

A Journey Worth Taking: Who Were You Meant To Be?: How do you make all your dreams come true? Better yet, what do those dreams really look like? We all know that life offers no magic wand. ...

Who Were You Meant To Be?

How do you make all your dreams come true? Better yet, what do those dreams really look like? We all know that life offers no magic wand. That would be freaky and I don't even think we could handle that. What I love is seeing your dreams unfold, day in and day out. What's amazing is how you change through the "making" of dreams. Whether it be to lose weight and be the person you always wanted to be, or winning a gold medal in sports, finding a cure for cancer or even something as simple as finding the love you deserve and raising a family, the beauty of it is in the becoming before and after the dream has been achieved.

I realize it sounds cliche; its not the journey, its the destination, blah, blah, blah, but what I mean is , recognizing what it as it's happening. The true destination, I believe, is all the unexpected things you learn and how you grow throughout that process. That's where the dream is realized. 

I guess what I am wondering is it what about your "dream" is going to make you happy and fulfilled. Ok with a gold medal that's pretty clear, I guess. Or is it? Once the gold (or goal is achieved) is it over? Or is it the experiences that got you there that linger the good feelings along way after your achievement. Or better yet, if you don't win the gold, what do you truly win, and was that the true dream anyway? Is the recognition of curing cancer enough, or is it who it made you become? What was gotten out of the stumbling, and the mistakes along the way that weaves it and helps it take shape? Are there great opportunities in failures? When that caterpillar goes through that transformation and becomes that butterfly he was meant to become, where does he fly?

You can be on cloud nine but if you put it on a well made shelf that you yourself built, won't it last longer and be more real? What happens when you lose weight and look good? How did that loss change how you interact with others? How does it change how you feel about yourself? What kind of person do you want the winner to be? When it comes to your children, how you make your dreams come true molds them too, whether they are born yet or not.

I ask you to dig deep and think about these questions. I am beginning to learn and see how my weight loss is slowly making me into the person I want to be, not just look. It's making me the person I always knew I am supposed to be. That was always my dream. My weight blocked so much of that and now I am so fortunate to be able to even begin to come out from behind the shield. Like the title of this blog, this journey is truly worth taking!

A Mother of a Job

With Mother's Day this weekend I of course, have to talk about my Mom. My Mom passed away back in 1997 and I miss her terribly. She was only 71 and I was only 32. Kinda young to lose your Mom especially since my Dad died when I was only 25. She was my best friend who always cared so much about me. My Mom was remarkable because she was very intelligent and oh so quiet about it. My Dad used to mention how intelligent she was but I never realized just how smart until I was older. She was so unassuming and understated about it.

It amazed me how she sacrificed so much to raise 4 kids, and in those days that was the norm.  She had me late in life so she was always older then the Moms of my friends. She stopped working when she got pregnant with her first child and devoted herself to raising 3 boys and then me. She never wavered in how much she gave and how much she was there for us.

I have fond memories of how when I was really young and she would draw with me and teach me different things; we would draw gas station logos. She didn't drive so we would walk together to the stores. She took the time to play games with me. She was always so sweet and always listened. Usually supportive of my choices, but knew when to steer me away from something not so good.

I remember one of the most fun times with her was when I was graduating from high school and we were preparing for my party. She and I decided to carve our own watermelon boat. We got very silly and had a ball putting that thing together. It was a little lopsided but it was good.

When I was going through rough times, she was so there for me. I gave her a hard time sometimes but like most mothers she never wavered in loving me. She would always try to help me lose weight even though I would resist it. I took things out on her sometime and it amazes me how mothers may get hurt but it doesn't matter, they still love you. She wasn't perfect by any means, but she did her best and I feel so lucky to have been raised by her. Never do I realize that more than these days. She instilled respect for others in me and that is just one of the many wonderful things she showed me.

In her quiet way she molded four children into wonderful adults just by being herself and loving them very much. I am happy for the things she taught me and the values she practiced. She taught by example and I wish she could have seen her grandchild grow up. She was very devoted and always put us before herself. If that's not the definition of a Mom, I don't know what is.

One of the saddest things I remember is when I had my first real job, one of the board members remembered my Mom from high school and he asked me what she went on to do and I told him she was a housewife. He said that's too bad because she was super smart. I felt badly because I wondered about what she could have been. As we know, in the 50's and 60's a lot of women took this route. She was a little too soon for the women's movement. Who knows how remarkable she could have been during a different time period.

As her daughter I can only be a living tribute to her by being a good respectful person and never slide away from the values she taught me. Maybe somehow she can hear this blog and hopefully be proud of me. Like her I am far from perfect, but the best things about myself, she gave me. In her housewife life, she accomplished so much. It is still carried on through her children and grandchildren.

Being a Mom is like nothing else. It is the hardest, most gut wrenching job ever. I'm not even a Mom and I know that. It's messy, aggravating, harsh, funny, tiring, wonderful and non stop. It is the most important job in the world; there is no training, no manual to refer to. So it's good we have a day to honor all the Mothers in our lives. They are all remarkable. Happy Mother's Day to all.

A Journey Worth Taking: Everything Is A Trade Off

A Journey Worth Taking: Everything Is A Trade Off: Why is it that getting started with something you want to change or improve is so difficult? It's the starting that is so hard, then on...

Everything Is A Trade Off

Why is it that getting started with something you want to change or improve is so difficult? It's the starting that is so hard, then once we get going, it's usually fine. I have been slow to get back into exercising, but once I start it, I enjoy it. A lot of times its something we enjoy but beginning it is often resisted.

 

It's an odd thing; whether its cleaning a closet, or exercising and dieting or even starting a fun craft project, which are all positive things, some people can't seem to get started. Perhaps its commitment or change but these things will make us feel good and yet many resist.

 

Exercising not just for weight loss but for life is important. I couldn't exercise when I was at my heaviest, obviously, but now it amazes me how far I can walk. I have now been getting back into it and it feels great. The more I think about it, the more I realize it may lead back to one thing that I always say. Everything is a trade off. Whatever we do to gain something positive, serves up its losses. With things like projects and cleaning, even exercising we give up time, precious time which goes way too fast as it is. I feel like time is so precious in our lives today that we hold on to it dearly. It could also mean money is that trade off that we are not too quick to part with. Or it could just be the energy it takes to make changes.

 

Time and money are the two things that anything and everything brings to sacrifice. There is no getting out of the trade offs of life. Even losing weight has it's trade off. Now that I am thinner I can't hide behind that excuse to exercise. I can't use that excuse for much anymore.

 

Trade offs are only one of the reasons we can't get started with things, I realize that it's more complex than that, and this is just one thing that comes to my mind. I don't claim to have all the answers but want to share my insights and my outlook and offer food for thought.

 

I for one would love to just roll into making changes, but they rarely seem to come easy to me. I suspect for others as well. So here's to embracing change and cleaning your closet.

 

A Journey Worth Taking: Old Days, Good Times I Remember

A Journey Worth Taking: Old Days, Good Times I Remember: I love the internet, there is an endless supply of information, but what I absolutely love is the nostalgia. If you were like me and grew up...

Old Days, Good Times I Remember

I love the internet, there is an endless supply of information, but what I absolutely love is the nostalgia. If you were like me and grew up in the 70's there is so much out there. Recently I found a great deal of 60's and 70's memories on Pinterest and other sites. Great stuff.

Wow it took me back to my childhood so fast and so well. I grew up with some awesome stuff; stuff I had forgotten about completely. Things like Dawn Dolls and Lite Brite, Big Wheels, Rockem Sockem Robots, and click clacks. I saw such great pictures of Spirograph, Hoppin Poppies, Etch A Sketch, Hungry Hippos, Toss Across and Stretch Armstrong to name a few. 

Oh the clothes; platform shoes, Ponchos, bell bottom pants, and polyester suites. Afros and thick mustaches. I had to laugh at some of the things on these sites. The 60's too with the GoGo boots and mini skirts. The decor too, lots of bright orange and yellow. Green appliances and half paneled half wall-papered dining rooms; funky furniture with lots of velvet and crocheted items, canopy beds and plastic fruit on dining room tables.

I remember Love's Baby Soft, Libbyland frozen dinners, Snack N Cake, Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific, Dippity Doo, Mood Rings, Pet Rocks, Sears Wish Book, HR Puf N Stuf, Happy Days, Laugh In, Starsky and Hutch and Mary Tyler Moore.

I don't think I have to mention the music or the prices. The music is endless, and I remember when a slice of Pizza was $.45. The gas shortage brings back memories, Son of Sam, the Jonestown Massacre, Three Mile Island, Mark Spitz, Secretariat and of course Watergate.

I could literally go on all day. The main thing I realize is that these things are a part of who we are, forever. I was young in a great time and I wouldn't change it at all. The other thing I realize is that the longing to go back isn't about things as much as missing those who we loved and lost and that feeling of being a kid; when you were safe and loved and didn't have a care in the world. My generation had innocence and we were kids. 

There are several links if anyone is interested: www.inthe70s.com, www.inthe80s.com,   www.inthe90s.com www.stuckinthe70s.com  www.80snostalgia.com  www.doo-wop.org

The reason this ties into weight loss is that there was one day a few years back when I smelled a familiar smell sorta like french fries but it was unique and it reminded me of Playland (the amusement park I grew up going to) and it made me happy and it made me want french fries, but then it dawned on me that it was my Dad who used to take me there and it was him I was missing. That was an eye opener for me. I didn't go get french fries, I searched for my childhood memories online that reminded me of the love I grew up with and that made me happier than any food ever can. 

A Journey Worth Taking: Learning to Walk To Life

A Journey Worth Taking: Learning to Walk To Life: My progress has brought me to a 52 pound weight loss. I kinda can't believe it. In only three months, 52 pounds. It's truly a bless...

Learning to Walk To Life

My progress has brought me to a 52 pound weight loss. I kinda can't believe it. In only three months, 52 pounds. It's truly a blessing to have had this surgery. I am feeling better physically than I have in many years. I am thrilled and so grateful. Soon it will be time to buy new clothes. Thus far it has been amazing and I learn something new, just about every day.

For years being overweight was this big thick black cloud over my head. I was constantly aware of it, and it blocked me from so many things. Now the cloud is lifting and the bright sun is overwhelming at times. There are so many different directions and much freedom in front of me now that I no longer have to focus on the black cloud.

I lost weight and am feeling better and looking better. To that I say now what, exactly?? It's not an uncommon feeling for people who have lost weight quickly. I know what I would do if I won a big money in the lotto but I never asked myself what will I do if I lose a lot of weight. It sounds simple but it's not simple at all. I realize that projecting more confidence will open doors for me and make things easier, but what exactly does that mean ? 

I tend to be hard on myself and expect a lot so one of my goals is to slow down and not freak out if I can't change my life as quickly as I am losing weight. It's different for everyone, but for me I just want to take my time and figure out what changes I really want to make. If for years all you focused on was the fact that you are overweight and that suddenly changes, it can be a strange road to a better life. I am trying to figure it out and am trying to be okay with the slow movement. 

The hormonal changes that come with losing weight seem to be throwing things off for me. It's a lot like when a child is learning to walk for the first time; they want to run everywhere but need they need to get used to walking first. They fall and get up and go again, and they always learn. With rapid weight loss it feels like the mind needs to catch up to the body. It's exciting and stressful all at the same time. 

I am just really happy with my progress and can't believe it sometimes. Now if I can figure out the rest of it, I will be golden.

A Journey Worth Taking: Angry Chewing

A Journey Worth Taking: Angry Chewing: Well it's time to talk about head hunger. It's the one thing that makes the difference between success and failure with weight loss...

Angry Chewing

Well it's time to talk about head hunger. It's the one thing that makes the difference between success and failure with weight loss surgery. It is the reason why weight loss surgery is not the easy way out. I am learning finally how to recognize it and luckily have been able thus far to not give into it. 

It's something I never saw the difference in with real hunger. This week lets just say I had some stress and boy did I have this urge to eat. It stemmed from strong emotions, and luckily I didn't give in. There is also something that I call angry chewing; eating when you are angry about something or while you are in the middle of feeling something stressful. It causes you to eat too big of a bite and not chewing enough or chewing too fast. In the past that anger wouldn't have even come up because food would have stuffed it, but now by eating so little, it shows its head ugly very prominently. The knee jerk reaction to it comes in the form of telling myself I want to eat. I am so grateful I didn't. Not that I know how I didn't, but I resisted. 

Angry chewing is interesting because you are not even paying attention to what you are doing, just what you are feeling. I let that feeling take over and chew for me. I am learning how bad it is to do that. With distraction of emotion is not the time to eat. I am realizing how every time I eat I have to really pay attention to the food and what I am doing. Give the food the time of day. Stop and just be and enjoy the food. If angry or otherwise stressed, hold off eating. These are things I never even took into consideration. One thing that I love about my sleeve is that it is unforgiving. It's in charge now and that's a good thing. However, its not exempt from relinquishing that power. If you push it enough times it will stretch. Everything has its breaking point. 

What and how much we eat is often tied into what we feel and how we express it. The key, I guess is to find an alternative way to express that feeling. Food enhances what ever we are feeling. In a way chewing is a form of expression. If you are angry, chewing is devouring whatever is making you angry. For weight loss surgery patients that angry chewing can become very painful and lead to throwing up. 

It was three months ago today I had my surgery and everyday, with every experience I am learning something new that I needed to. I am grateful for the lessons. I hope I continue learning how to not give in to powerful stress and emotions. For me, it can mean awful pain and discomfort. Down with stress I say.

A Journey Worth Taking: Nuts for the Monkey or Not

A Journey Worth Taking: Nuts for the Monkey or Not: Is control an illusion? It is indeed. Yet how many of us feel like our actions will effect outcomes? The idea that worries, fears, supersti...

Nuts for the Monkey or Not

Is control an illusion? It is indeed. Yet how many of us feel like our actions will effect outcomes? The idea that worries, fears, superstitions, or actions will determine a desired outcome is so common. The very thing we need to let go of is the very thing we strive to hold on tight to. Control really is an illusion.

It reminds me of the example of the monkey that is exposed to a transparent box with a small slit opening the size of his hand. Inside of the box are nuts; he sees the nuts and puts his hands in to get the nuts. However because the opening is only the size of his open hand it gets stuck when he grabs the nuts and tries to get them. He keeps trying and trying not realizing that now the what he wants is controlling him. His hand is stuck and he gets frustrated. If only he would let go of the nuts, he would get his hand out.

 

So much of control is tied into overeating. It becomes about what we want or what we think we want. Yet, letting go is the only thing we really have control of. Its' common to eat when we are stressed. So my question is, are we trying to combat the thing that is making us stressed or the feeling of stress itself. The monkey wanted the nuts, but once he got them, he wanted to be free. For example, let's say I want a positive outcome on a job interview I went to. The result of getting the job is truly unknown which causes stress. Does my getting the job mean for sure I will be happy at the job or will it mean that stressful feeling of the unknown will go away.

We think we know that a particular outcome will be beneficial, but how do we truly know for sure? We don't, but we try hard to control the outcome. The only thing we have control of is or our actions of anything that is put in front of us. So many things determine what is put in front of us. Control interferes with what is supposed to happen. That monkey had the nuts but couldn't eat them so he was unhappy. He was in control of his hand going into the box, yes, but his control ended there. He needed to figure out that letting go of the nuts would set him free. When we overeat what nuts are making us unhappy?

 

Take heed to what the universe has in store for us. Trust that if what we desire doesn't come to fruition it is probably for a good reason; a reason which we will probably never know. Be open to alternative outcomes. We may not always be happy with a certain outcome but we are not in charge.

A Journey Worth Taking: Ghrelin Not Welcome Here

A Journey Worth Taking: Ghrelin Not Welcome Here: Five more pounds gone! I am really loving this. Someone asked me what I am eating so I will give a sample of what my daily menu consists of...

Ghrelin Not Welcome Here

Five more pounds gone! I am really loving this. Someone asked me what I am eating so I will give a sample of what my daily menu consists of. It's under 1000 calories a day, 4ozs. of protein and some vegetables per meal. No carbs just yet, three meals a day, no snacks unless I go long periods between meals.  

 

Breakfast is either one Greek yogurt or a hard boiled egg and an ounce of cheese. On weekends I sometimes make a one-egg omelet with an ounce of cheese.

 

Lunch is some kind of meat dish I make usually a chicken dish because it's easy to take to work. More times than not I don't eat a vegetable for lunch unless its incorporated into the dish.

 

Dinner is again either chicken, fish, beef or turkey. I usually make a casserole type dish that incorporates vegetables into it. 

 

That's it. It's actually very satisfying. Part of the reason for that is of course the teeny tiny stomach I now have, but the other part is due to the fact that the hormone Ghrelin which is a hunger hormone was produced in the part of stomach that was removed. Unfortunately, that hormone could possibly return after about a year and a half. So in a year I will be walking around with a big sign that has the word Ghrelin in a red circle with line going through it to ward off it's return. Not everyone feels the effects of the loss of the hormone; I was lucky. Some people still feel hungry. The research is not conclusive on how it works yet. The human body is amazing.

 

I love that food is easy and it takes me 10 minutes to eat. I love not being a slave to food anymore. I have to wait 30 minutes after each meal before I drink anything and I have to get down more than 64 ounces of water per day. I am always drinking. I am to get 50-64 grams of protein in each day. It's that simple.

 

This week I met some really cool people at a support group I went to. This group goes on trips together and has a lot of fun. It's exciting to see how things are unfolding in my life. It's not all easy and positive, but it is different, for sure. I have not for one moment, regretted my decision. I hope anyone thinking about surgery, sees this and heeds the message. Like anything else in life, it takes work, adaptability, and an open mind.

 

The challenge I have is now that I don't have that dark cloud consuming me constantly, what do I do with that energy that is now open. How do I improve the rest of my life and make it what I want it to be. It's been a long time since I thought about all that. It's slowly starting to build. I am trying to broaden my horizons.

A Journey Worth Taking: Catfish...

A Journey Worth Taking: Catfish...: It's been a bit of a wild and wooly week; I'll call it a double catfish week. I belong to a small Facebook group for people who had...

Catfish...

It's been a bit of a wild and wooly week; I'll call it a double catfish week. I belong to a small Facebook group for people who had the same weight loss surgery as me in the same month. It's a very supportive and active group and it's really been great.

 

About two weeks ago one of the members informed the group that another member developed complications and has a pulmonary embolism and needs our prayers. She was in an induced coma and is being watched carefully. It was very sad, she is a young woman who had lost her young daughter a few years back to Leukemia. Most of the members shuttered to think that could be anyone of us right now. Again sending home the thought of how lucky I have been.

 

Sadly, on Wednesday, we got word she died from a stroke. It hit me like a ton of bricks; how awful for her family. It was just horrible to think, here is someone trying to better herself and now just lost everything. Some of the members discussed sending flowers, etc. and were asking where to send it. We were told the family doesn't want anything but donations for Leukemia research. Understandable.

 

And then it all unraveled. Thursday night at about 2:00 AM I don't know what woke me up and made me check Facebook but I did. At around Midnight the group's administrators let us know that the death of this young woman was a complete scam. Both women's Facebook pages were now gone after the informant was confronted. It is surmised that it was to bilk people out of money or they or she has a vendetta against a surgeon or weight loss surgery in general or even overweight people. The truth of why will never really be known, but oh my God. What a twisted and cruel thing to do. To have the audacity to create this whole scenario with pictures and friends - a whole life really is just beyond belief. I can't fathom doing such a thing so I would have never have even thought twice that this would be untrue. Just unbelievable how desperate people are and would try to rattle a small group like that.  As a group, the anger was palpable. It took a few days, but everyone finally moved past the betrayal. I am relived it didn't advance to anyone sending money.

 

It moves my thoughts to trust in this electronic age. I mentioned double catfish week and there was a situation that happened in a dating situation. Online dating can be a minefield and I am not crazy about it, but I do it because like anything else, it can be successful. I have friends who recently married meeting online. Luckily, I picked up some miss matched items and trusted my newly chopped up gut that something didn't feel right about this. I don't really know for sure, and perhaps my radar was overly heightened due to the other situation earlier in the week, but I am going with my instincts on this one.

 

I hate to sound preachy, but my point with all this is how careful we all must be with so much sharing in cyberworld these days. It's so easy for any one's imagination to run wild and create whole lives for themselves that are completely fabricated. It's pretty mind blowing, actually, and it happens all the time. I hate the world its become in terms of things like this because how sad it is that we all have to keep one eye keen and our instincts polished to perfection at all times. How do you sift out the truth from the sheer BS?? It's become one of the many situations that require careful navigation through the electronic age. Like I always say, I miss the 70's.

 

For those who don't know "catfish" is a slang term used to describe one's misrepresentation of themselves in an online, usually, social media situation for any number of reasons such as mental pathology or monetary gain.

A Journey Worth Taking: It's Coming

A Journey Worth Taking: It's Coming: Spring is in the offing... Finally, with Spring comes that feeling of renewal and awakening like no other time of the year. Beautiful flowe...

It's Coming

Spring is in the offing... Finally, with Spring comes that feeling of renewal and awakening like no other time of the year. Beautiful flowers and the warmth we've all missed so much over this long snowy winter are on their way. It's the new beginning we all need and it happens every year. I love this time of year.

Being an overweight person all my life I always felt left out of being able to wear shorts and little dresses because of how I looked. Sad, how much being overweight forces us to alter about ourselves. We try to hide the one thing we cannot, and yet now that I am losing weight, I am still the same person inside. All the physical changes cannot really change who I am which leads me to wonder what will really change for me? I won't suddenly become less lonely or more social. I certainly won't become rich. Those are things I still have to work on.

The difference is that I won't feel ashamed or embarrassed and I won't have that feeling of dread that people won't like me because of my size. I will feel like the playing field is more even. Now people might be more willing to get to know me. I am still the same person who loves to laugh and joke around. One who loves animals and art and being kind and compassionate. I am still the same person who isn't great with money and doesn't always make the best choices. I remain creative and curious about life. I still love to dance and tease my friends mercilessly. I am still not the smartest person and I still sell myself short with career.

My shortcomings don't change overnight because my weight changes. Those things still need to be explored and worked on. My point in all this is for those contemplating weight loss surgery should not expect their whole lives to change just because they are suddenly thinner. Improvement is a lifelong, interactive process.

I for one am happy not to lose the sense of compassion and kindness. I am glad it won't change my core. I am glad I will still be the same on the inside. Perhaps better. I am more grateful and relieved that I don't have to worry about as many health issues. My weight loss journey was a huge undertaking that took months and it was great. I now can focus on improving my other shortcomings. Sometimes its those shortcomings that make us interesting or endearing to others. There is more room now for focusing on improving other things. It should be an interesting voyage going forward.

A Journey Worth Taking: Dads & Daughters

A Journey Worth Taking: Dads & Daughters: I had my second post-op visit with the surgeon's office this week and I got a good report. I am on track with losing about one pound pe...

Dads & Daughters

I had my second post-op visit with the surgeon's office this week and I got a good report. I am on track with losing about one pound per week now. I cannot have any carbs yet which is ok. I am dealing. I miss bread a tiny bit, but it's ok. I found a decent iron supplement which is good because the shakes seem to have subsided now. I was also cleared for all activity. Last weekend I walked for a long time like I was able to in my workout days. It felt so great to be able to do that again. I am hoping to take some classes soon too.

 

One of the things that other surgery patients experienced and I have too is having vivid dreams. It's been a wild few weeks of very weird convoluted dreams. I can't help but wonder if my sub-conscious is working through old feelings that made me overeat in the past. Some of the dreams were about family and others are about old relationships. It's like watching a little movie every night.

 

Perhaps because of these dreams, it popped into my head this week how much losing my Dad at such a  young age effected me. I was about 25. Not long before he died I was at my healthiest, losing over 60 pounds and working out 3-4 times a week. I spent a lot of money, time and energy to lose that weight and worked very hard for it. After he died my Mom got sick and I remember feeling very sad and discouraged. It wasn't all that long ago my brother and others close to me died unexpectedly. I stopped working out and started to slowly gain all my weight back. It took me two decades but I gained it back and more.

My Dad was a great guy and when I was young we went everywhere together. He took me to softball games and Lawrence Football games. He took me to see the Yankees and to his job as an oil delivery man. We would go shopping and visit family every weekend. He would take me to run errands and visit his friends. He even built me a walk-in doll house in our back yard that had paneling and lights. It was amazing.  He was so happy to have a daughter after three boys and he always let me know that. He taught me the value of working hard and being a fair person. He loved to joke around and laugh, and he loved children. We were very close and I miss him terribly.

When he died I couldn't cry, and I always felt guilty about that. I couldn't understand why I couldn't cry. I think facing it was just too painful and I didn't allow myself to feel it then. As years went on, it got harder because as things happened in my life, I realized that he's never coming back. I wish I could have told him I had this surgery. There are many other accomplishments I wish I could have shared with him.

There is nothing like having a great Dad. There is something about Fathers and Daughters that is very special. Some girls search for a mate that mirrors our Dad and some are lucky to find it. I've spent a long time trying to find someone with good values and morals, but haven't found him yet. Who knows maybe someday. For now I have my memories of countless adventures growing up with my Dad. He was a WWII veteran and very proud of that. He was a sports lover, and treasured family, friends and life. He gave me and my brothers many gifts that we carry with us forever.

A Journey Worth Taking: The Broccoli Incident

A Journey Worth Taking: The Broccoli Incident: Another week gone by already. It's amazes me how time zooms by. This week was pretty good. I am doing very well in terms of how much I ...

The Broccoli Incident

Another week gone by already. It's amazes me how time zooms by. This week was pretty good. I am doing very well in terms of how much I am eating and sticking to healthy low-carb meals. I did have a huge fight with a piece of raw broccoli. I was cooking and wasn't thinking, I ate a piece and didn't chew well enough. Big mistake, oh man it was soooo painful and I returned some of it. The pain lasted a good 20 minutes and I had this awful taste in my mouth. I will never do that again. The last thing I want to do is anger my sleeve. I can laugh about it now, but ouch.

 

I am also struggling with an inner shaky feeling all over. I had blood work to check it and it came back showing low iron, so that could be the reason. More investigating has to be done. It's an awful feeling that comes and goes and I hope to get it under control soon.

 

I found a few great books to read about the process of adjusting to a new life and losing weight. It's great because I am learning how a lot of people experienced the same things good or bad that I am. It made me think about how everyone struggles with something in their lives. Whether its family, job, money, love, substance abuse, handicaps, obesity, anxiety, depression, etc. we all have something to deal with. I also believe that adversity of any type builds character. I know that sound cliché, but it really is true. It fosters sensitivity and compassion. Things that are easy to forget in this brash world. It's necessary to have some struggles in order to grow and learn and make us complete.

 

Obesity isn't my only struggle, but it is the biggest. Now that I am dealing with my weight, I still need to build up the rest of my life. Knowing what you want is half the battle; I am not sure what building up my life looks like. Now that I don't feel like hiding as much, where am I going? Some days I have this very antsy feeling like I want to run out and say I'm here, look at me and what I am improving about myself. It's strange considering for so long I didn't want anyone to see me. In some ways I feel like I graduated  from school again and am not sure what direction to go now.

 

This part is up to me, and that's an even tougher thing sometimes. I am thinking of volunteering for the hospital. I like being productive and want to give something back for this incredible gift I've been given. It will be a little while due to time in between the orientation they offer, but I think it will be very enjoyable. It's a start.

 

I can't wait to start exercising again. I have more energy and less pains and of course less weight so I am ready to go. I haven't done much exercising in a very long time. Clothes are getting big on me already, and it still blows my mind everyday how different my mind is when it comes to food. I have been able to take back control and that was the hardest part about this struggle. I hope others can find helpful paths and people, like I did to help them with their struggles.

A Journey Worth Taking: An Offering of Love

A Journey Worth Taking: An Offering of Love: It's Valentines Day. A day of love. First I want to say that I am making progress, down 33 pounds. It still blows my mind how this is a...

An Offering of Love

It's Valentines Day. A day of love. First I want to say that I am making progress, down 33 pounds. It still blows my mind how this is all working and how fast I am losing weight. It especially blows my mind how little I need to eat to feel satisfied. I was supposed to have my second follow up with my surgeon's office, and my first support group but thanks to the snow, both were cancelled.

 

It's been an interesting week starting solid foods. I got back into cooking in a big way and it's fun. I found some really great high protein recipes. It did feel strange at first eating my first solid food and vegetables since Christmas. I got used to it quickly though and now I am on my way to many more choices. I still haven't had any sugar other than the little bit of fruit I have. I am so proud that I am resisting chocolate. It makes me so happy.

 

Speaking of love and chocolate; what better than to discuss food and the food is love connection and how we all have a love affair with food. Who wouldn't love food? It's pretty, smells good, satisfies, comforts, is social and tastes soooo good. It is so inter-woven into of our lives. It can be a friend who is always there and never lets you down. It is sometimes given as a love offering. I remember my maternal Grandmother excitedly saying, "Eat, eat, have more." anytime me or my brothers would visit her. She loved us and that's how she showed us. She was a great cook and it was fun and warm to go visit her.

 

I don't know many people who don't love food. It is enticing at every turn with all of its varieties and range of tastes, textures and colors. Hell, I am a great baker myself. Every Christmas I bake all different type of cookies from scratch with full fat ingredients. Why? because I love my family and friends and it makes them happy. It's tradition. It can be seductive and call your name over and over.

 

On days like today chocolate is king. On every holiday is for that matter. It's fun and yummy, and brings people together and most importantly it sustains life. What other substance does so many things? It's no wonder why obesity is such a problem - we do food well. Unlike a drug or alcohol addiction, you need to eat, everyday. There is no going cold turkey from food, no sir. We need to have it  to live but control our intake and for people like me that's the difficult part.

 

I've heard people say that overweight people don't want to take care of themselves, not true. We, just like everyone else, have a love affair with food. The difference is we either go overboard or don't exercise enough to control it, or have some medical reason why it stays with us. It begins to take over and loses its original meaning and purpose. Oh how I wish it were different, but it's not. Everyone struggles with the allure of food and sweets. Overweight people lose that struggle every day. I did every day.

 

So I wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day, filled with love that comes in many forms, from many different sources.

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus: My progress this week was slow, only down 1 pound. I'm told stalls and slow loss weeks can happen. My next challenge is I can finally g...

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus: My progress this week was slow, only down 1 pound. I'm told stalls and slow loss weeks can happen. My next challenge is I can finally g...

Words From a Walrus

My progress this week was slow, only down 1 pound. I'm told stalls and slow loss weeks can happen. My next challenge is I can finally go off pureed foods next week. I am a little nervous, and trying to figure out high protein low carb meals to make. I love to cook, so this will be fun. I am still eating about 4ozs. of food per meal. I will find out next week on my next visit to the surgeon's office if I am supposed to increase that or not. I can't imagine eating more than that.

 

I also have my first support group meeting this week; I am looking forward to that. I have also found some online communities that have been very helpful and supportive. I was so happy that this blog was helpful to someone in the community who is considering this surgery. That's what I am hoping to accomplish. It also reached South Africa and Australia. Wow.

 

Reading people's comments this week on the forums made me think about the attitudes towards being overweight and I want to share some insight on the subject. I remember through the years, several times people saying to me, "You have such a pretty face, if only you would lose the weight." or "You would be so pretty if you would just lose some weight." Um, okay thanks? I know people mean well, but this is a difficult thing for a person to hear. I am not bashing anyone, I am just showing some examples of what people say in trying to be helpful. A very long time ago, I was even called a walrus. I've been called other various things, and gotten very dirty looks while commuting to my job in Manhattan a few years back on the Long Island Railroad. Apparently because I am overweight, I should not be sitting on the LIRR. I was asked to move numerous times, but refused every time. I've been rejected in dating situations numerous times, which is par for the course.

 

My point being that in general, society views being fat as a fate worse than death. I once heard a poll was taken asking if you had a choice of being unemployed or overweight which would you prefer. 75% of those asked would rather be unemployed. Wow. That was hard to hear. It is one of the most widespread, acceptable prejudices in the world. Yet no one ever says a word if fat jokes or negative comments are made. It's just universally agreed - being fat is a very bad thing. There is nothing desirable, or attractive or admirable about being overweight.

 

Let's face it, I hated it about myself. I don't like being this way, but the very thing I hated the most is the very thing I couldn't conquer. The worst thorn in my side I will ever have is being overweight. Since this surgery I have learned quite quickly how much it is truly a complex physiological, mutli-layered problem  that cannot be dieted away in many cases. It effects every aspect of our being; physical, emotional and spiritual. I blamed myself for something that was much bigger than me. Our human bodies are so incredibly complex. To think its a matter of self control alone vs. having the actual ability to stop eating is simplistic. It has many components that come from within as well as without.

 

I guess the main take away I am hoping for here is that the next time we think about what it is to be overweight, remember that the obese members of society are people. We hurt a great deal having the most undesirable condition in the world. We are not necessarily lazy and neglectful of ourselves, we have a problem, just like everyone else. Whether its an addiction or disease or not, is not really the most important thing. The bottom line is, for one reason or another, the obese person is just not doing what needs to be done to overcome obesity. I hope people will start considering this the next time they either think about or say anything obesity.

 

For years I let it define me and not in a good way at all. I certainly never want to do that again. I now think of it as a physiological condition. How else can I have overnight, have no interest in food anymore? There is a hormone that gets produced in the part of the stomach that they removed. With that hormone production gone, amazingly so are my cravings and thoughts about food. There is a possibility that the hormone can return after about a year and a half. The research is not conclusive, and hopefully it won't return for me. I will have to deal with it accordingly, if it does. But for now, it is helping me overcome obesity.

 

 I am hoping for no stalls and a good loss this week. I am determined to make this work for me. I have a new found empathy for those who are struggling with obesity. Again, I find myself so incredibly grateful.

A Journey Worth Taking: Just Call Me Frankenbelly

A Journey Worth Taking: Just Call Me Frankenbelly: Hello again, I will tell you that as of this week I am down a total of about 26 pounds. Yay! It amazes me how much better I feel. I am such...

Just Call Me Frankenbelly

Hello again, I will tell you that as of this week I am down a total of about 26 pounds. Yay! It amazes me how much better I feel. I am such a lucky girl. I have found some very helpful websites for gastric sleeve patients and/or bariatric patients. They have forums and articles, groups and information resources. I am enjoying hearing what other patients are going through. I have to say again, I am so fortunate. Some postings are horror stories of some of the complications people have had. I feel for them. It can't be easy at all. I have been having some upper gas pains and gurgling that could be from eating too fast. Something I am trying to work on. Only one more week of pureed foods for me. I am a little nervous about starting solid foods.

Other than my nice loss this week, not much new has happened so I want to reiterate a point I made earlier about coming to the decision to have weight loss surgery or not. It is a very important decision that can change your life. For many years I tried many different things prior to this option. I counted calories, joined Weight Watchers, joined Jenny Craig, went to an eating disorder group, Overeaters Anonymous, hypnosis, joined a gym, regular therapy, you name it, I tried it. My final risk led me to this little "frankenbelly" I now have.

From what I've learned, losing weight is a very complex problem and for some people all those options I mentioned do work. However, there is a large portion of the population like me that try these methods but always seem to return to eating.

My best advice about making this decision is to take your time and pay close attention to everything you are feeling. Tell your regular doctor or a surgeon(if you've gotten to that point), what you are feeling at every step of the way. If you have any doubts, you can always cancel or postpone. Tell the professionals every fear or apprehension you have about any part of the process, no matter how silly it sounds. Read as much as you can about the process and what people have experienced. Talk to others, and know that no two people are alike. Gather the information but know that just because something went wrong for one person, doesn't mean that will happen to you. One of the wonderful effects of the surgery can be hair loss. It is due to lack of protein or certain vitamins. It doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't necessarily happen right away, but it can happen. I am told it comes back and there are things you can take to remedy it. If knowing this freaks you out, tell someone. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind.


Luckily I haven't had any hair loss yet and I hope I don't, but if I do, I will do as much as I can to remedy it. Not everyone is willing to risk hair loss, it can be traumatic. My point is every aspect of this type of surgery needs to be weighed carefully. You will know if and when you are ready to take a leap of faith. Just trust your instincts.

A Journey Worth Taking: And So It Goes

A Journey Worth Taking: And So It Goes: The first night home I was very tired and when I went to lay down, I had some pain. I took half a Percocet before bed and it knocked me out...

And So It Goes

The first night home I was very tired and when I went to lay down, I had some pain. I took half a Percocet before bed and it knocked me out for half the night. I woke up once in a little pain, so took the other half. Nothing too unbearable, but warranting medication.

 

Each day, I would feel a little better. There was still swelling and I was eating like a little bird; slow, tiny bites of a very small amount of food. I wasn't hungry at all. The new rule is to always wait 30 minutes after I eat before drinking any liquids, forever. I thought I would hate this, but it wasn't that bad. I had been instructed to walk a little every hour and this helped get me up. Blood clots can still develop months after surgery, so walking is still very important. I am increasing the amount of food I eat daily, slowly with a focus on protein intake being of primary importance.

 

I felt a huge change in me. I began to think about the whole experience. I thought about the people on Youtube that said they were depressed right after surgery. I didn't feel depressed at all. I thought about all the months of planning and testing, questions and the people involved. I thought about how much better my legs already feel. All I had was this overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I am so blessed; blessed to have the surgery covered by insurance, blessed to have somehow found a truly wonderful surgeon who did a near perfect job giving me this powerful tool that will change my life and most likely add years to it. I was blessed to have a wonderful family who worried about such a big surgery, but never once uttered a word of discouragement; blessed to have such great friends who for 6 months listen to me talk about "my surgery". Co-workers who had to pick up the slack while I was home recuperating. A therapist that I can say anything to and not feel ashamed. I am truly fortunate to have this whole mixture of people behind me, helping me slay the dragon that had consumed me and taken over my life and feelings towards myself.

 

For as long as I can remember, in my mind, my identity has been "overweight woman". I let it follow me around for so long, erasing any feeling of attractiveness I had ever had. The shame of being overweight is unbearable. Looking in the mirror or at pictures was unbearable. The physical pain of carrying so much extra weight was becoming unbearable. Thank God I found a way towards a healthier way of living. I am the happiest I have been in a very long time. With each day, I felt myself come more and more alive.

 

In a week after surgery I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon. He was very pleased with my progress and their scale had read I was down 16 pounds. Amazing to me - I was on my way. I wanted to give something back and the only thing I could do was to tell him how the whole experience was seamless and that the amount of gratitude I feel is beyond words. So many times we all love to trash  things when they go wrong and this was one time that I had to mention how impressed I was with this experience and how much I appreciated his confidence and talent.

 

So I have come full circle this this journey most definitely worth taking. The reason for starting these posts is to hopefully reach someone, who may be thinking about surgery as an option or someone who is struggling with pain and shame of being obese. I hope someone finds this story of a 48 year old animal lover who is deeply flawed  but finding her way towards a better life, helpful and interesting.

 

I will continue to post about my progress and struggles, most likely once a week. Do I expect there will be setbacks? Absolutely, I am still very human. Writing this blog will help keep me in check. I am in counseling which I find very helpful.  I will begin attending a monthly support group in February and follow up with the surgeon's office is for life. Once a month for the first year and once a year for life. Not bad for a practice that has uses marketing with a little bit of the "Ick Factor"

 

And so it goes, I am happy to say that as of this writing I am almost 20 pounds lighter. Not bad. Not bad at all.