A Journey Worth Taking: The Broccoli Incident

A Journey Worth Taking: The Broccoli Incident: Another week gone by already. It's amazes me how time zooms by. This week was pretty good. I am doing very well in terms of how much I ...

The Broccoli Incident

Another week gone by already. It's amazes me how time zooms by. This week was pretty good. I am doing very well in terms of how much I am eating and sticking to healthy low-carb meals. I did have a huge fight with a piece of raw broccoli. I was cooking and wasn't thinking, I ate a piece and didn't chew well enough. Big mistake, oh man it was soooo painful and I returned some of it. The pain lasted a good 20 minutes and I had this awful taste in my mouth. I will never do that again. The last thing I want to do is anger my sleeve. I can laugh about it now, but ouch.

 

I am also struggling with an inner shaky feeling all over. I had blood work to check it and it came back showing low iron, so that could be the reason. More investigating has to be done. It's an awful feeling that comes and goes and I hope to get it under control soon.

 

I found a few great books to read about the process of adjusting to a new life and losing weight. It's great because I am learning how a lot of people experienced the same things good or bad that I am. It made me think about how everyone struggles with something in their lives. Whether its family, job, money, love, substance abuse, handicaps, obesity, anxiety, depression, etc. we all have something to deal with. I also believe that adversity of any type builds character. I know that sound cliché, but it really is true. It fosters sensitivity and compassion. Things that are easy to forget in this brash world. It's necessary to have some struggles in order to grow and learn and make us complete.

 

Obesity isn't my only struggle, but it is the biggest. Now that I am dealing with my weight, I still need to build up the rest of my life. Knowing what you want is half the battle; I am not sure what building up my life looks like. Now that I don't feel like hiding as much, where am I going? Some days I have this very antsy feeling like I want to run out and say I'm here, look at me and what I am improving about myself. It's strange considering for so long I didn't want anyone to see me. In some ways I feel like I graduated  from school again and am not sure what direction to go now.

 

This part is up to me, and that's an even tougher thing sometimes. I am thinking of volunteering for the hospital. I like being productive and want to give something back for this incredible gift I've been given. It will be a little while due to time in between the orientation they offer, but I think it will be very enjoyable. It's a start.

 

I can't wait to start exercising again. I have more energy and less pains and of course less weight so I am ready to go. I haven't done much exercising in a very long time. Clothes are getting big on me already, and it still blows my mind everyday how different my mind is when it comes to food. I have been able to take back control and that was the hardest part about this struggle. I hope others can find helpful paths and people, like I did to help them with their struggles.

A Journey Worth Taking: An Offering of Love

A Journey Worth Taking: An Offering of Love: It's Valentines Day. A day of love. First I want to say that I am making progress, down 33 pounds. It still blows my mind how this is a...

An Offering of Love

It's Valentines Day. A day of love. First I want to say that I am making progress, down 33 pounds. It still blows my mind how this is all working and how fast I am losing weight. It especially blows my mind how little I need to eat to feel satisfied. I was supposed to have my second follow up with my surgeon's office, and my first support group but thanks to the snow, both were cancelled.

 

It's been an interesting week starting solid foods. I got back into cooking in a big way and it's fun. I found some really great high protein recipes. It did feel strange at first eating my first solid food and vegetables since Christmas. I got used to it quickly though and now I am on my way to many more choices. I still haven't had any sugar other than the little bit of fruit I have. I am so proud that I am resisting chocolate. It makes me so happy.

 

Speaking of love and chocolate; what better than to discuss food and the food is love connection and how we all have a love affair with food. Who wouldn't love food? It's pretty, smells good, satisfies, comforts, is social and tastes soooo good. It is so inter-woven into of our lives. It can be a friend who is always there and never lets you down. It is sometimes given as a love offering. I remember my maternal Grandmother excitedly saying, "Eat, eat, have more." anytime me or my brothers would visit her. She loved us and that's how she showed us. She was a great cook and it was fun and warm to go visit her.

 

I don't know many people who don't love food. It is enticing at every turn with all of its varieties and range of tastes, textures and colors. Hell, I am a great baker myself. Every Christmas I bake all different type of cookies from scratch with full fat ingredients. Why? because I love my family and friends and it makes them happy. It's tradition. It can be seductive and call your name over and over.

 

On days like today chocolate is king. On every holiday is for that matter. It's fun and yummy, and brings people together and most importantly it sustains life. What other substance does so many things? It's no wonder why obesity is such a problem - we do food well. Unlike a drug or alcohol addiction, you need to eat, everyday. There is no going cold turkey from food, no sir. We need to have it  to live but control our intake and for people like me that's the difficult part.

 

I've heard people say that overweight people don't want to take care of themselves, not true. We, just like everyone else, have a love affair with food. The difference is we either go overboard or don't exercise enough to control it, or have some medical reason why it stays with us. It begins to take over and loses its original meaning and purpose. Oh how I wish it were different, but it's not. Everyone struggles with the allure of food and sweets. Overweight people lose that struggle every day. I did every day.

 

So I wish everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day, filled with love that comes in many forms, from many different sources.

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus: My progress this week was slow, only down 1 pound. I'm told stalls and slow loss weeks can happen. My next challenge is I can finally g...

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus

A Journey Worth Taking: Words From a Walrus: My progress this week was slow, only down 1 pound. I'm told stalls and slow loss weeks can happen. My next challenge is I can finally g...

Words From a Walrus

My progress this week was slow, only down 1 pound. I'm told stalls and slow loss weeks can happen. My next challenge is I can finally go off pureed foods next week. I am a little nervous, and trying to figure out high protein low carb meals to make. I love to cook, so this will be fun. I am still eating about 4ozs. of food per meal. I will find out next week on my next visit to the surgeon's office if I am supposed to increase that or not. I can't imagine eating more than that.

 

I also have my first support group meeting this week; I am looking forward to that. I have also found some online communities that have been very helpful and supportive. I was so happy that this blog was helpful to someone in the community who is considering this surgery. That's what I am hoping to accomplish. It also reached South Africa and Australia. Wow.

 

Reading people's comments this week on the forums made me think about the attitudes towards being overweight and I want to share some insight on the subject. I remember through the years, several times people saying to me, "You have such a pretty face, if only you would lose the weight." or "You would be so pretty if you would just lose some weight." Um, okay thanks? I know people mean well, but this is a difficult thing for a person to hear. I am not bashing anyone, I am just showing some examples of what people say in trying to be helpful. A very long time ago, I was even called a walrus. I've been called other various things, and gotten very dirty looks while commuting to my job in Manhattan a few years back on the Long Island Railroad. Apparently because I am overweight, I should not be sitting on the LIRR. I was asked to move numerous times, but refused every time. I've been rejected in dating situations numerous times, which is par for the course.

 

My point being that in general, society views being fat as a fate worse than death. I once heard a poll was taken asking if you had a choice of being unemployed or overweight which would you prefer. 75% of those asked would rather be unemployed. Wow. That was hard to hear. It is one of the most widespread, acceptable prejudices in the world. Yet no one ever says a word if fat jokes or negative comments are made. It's just universally agreed - being fat is a very bad thing. There is nothing desirable, or attractive or admirable about being overweight.

 

Let's face it, I hated it about myself. I don't like being this way, but the very thing I hated the most is the very thing I couldn't conquer. The worst thorn in my side I will ever have is being overweight. Since this surgery I have learned quite quickly how much it is truly a complex physiological, mutli-layered problem  that cannot be dieted away in many cases. It effects every aspect of our being; physical, emotional and spiritual. I blamed myself for something that was much bigger than me. Our human bodies are so incredibly complex. To think its a matter of self control alone vs. having the actual ability to stop eating is simplistic. It has many components that come from within as well as without.

 

I guess the main take away I am hoping for here is that the next time we think about what it is to be overweight, remember that the obese members of society are people. We hurt a great deal having the most undesirable condition in the world. We are not necessarily lazy and neglectful of ourselves, we have a problem, just like everyone else. Whether its an addiction or disease or not, is not really the most important thing. The bottom line is, for one reason or another, the obese person is just not doing what needs to be done to overcome obesity. I hope people will start considering this the next time they either think about or say anything obesity.

 

For years I let it define me and not in a good way at all. I certainly never want to do that again. I now think of it as a physiological condition. How else can I have overnight, have no interest in food anymore? There is a hormone that gets produced in the part of the stomach that they removed. With that hormone production gone, amazingly so are my cravings and thoughts about food. There is a possibility that the hormone can return after about a year and a half. The research is not conclusive, and hopefully it won't return for me. I will have to deal with it accordingly, if it does. But for now, it is helping me overcome obesity.

 

 I am hoping for no stalls and a good loss this week. I am determined to make this work for me. I have a new found empathy for those who are struggling with obesity. Again, I find myself so incredibly grateful.

A Journey Worth Taking: Just Call Me Frankenbelly

A Journey Worth Taking: Just Call Me Frankenbelly: Hello again, I will tell you that as of this week I am down a total of about 26 pounds. Yay! It amazes me how much better I feel. I am such...

Just Call Me Frankenbelly

Hello again, I will tell you that as of this week I am down a total of about 26 pounds. Yay! It amazes me how much better I feel. I am such a lucky girl. I have found some very helpful websites for gastric sleeve patients and/or bariatric patients. They have forums and articles, groups and information resources. I am enjoying hearing what other patients are going through. I have to say again, I am so fortunate. Some postings are horror stories of some of the complications people have had. I feel for them. It can't be easy at all. I have been having some upper gas pains and gurgling that could be from eating too fast. Something I am trying to work on. Only one more week of pureed foods for me. I am a little nervous about starting solid foods.

Other than my nice loss this week, not much new has happened so I want to reiterate a point I made earlier about coming to the decision to have weight loss surgery or not. It is a very important decision that can change your life. For many years I tried many different things prior to this option. I counted calories, joined Weight Watchers, joined Jenny Craig, went to an eating disorder group, Overeaters Anonymous, hypnosis, joined a gym, regular therapy, you name it, I tried it. My final risk led me to this little "frankenbelly" I now have.

From what I've learned, losing weight is a very complex problem and for some people all those options I mentioned do work. However, there is a large portion of the population like me that try these methods but always seem to return to eating.

My best advice about making this decision is to take your time and pay close attention to everything you are feeling. Tell your regular doctor or a surgeon(if you've gotten to that point), what you are feeling at every step of the way. If you have any doubts, you can always cancel or postpone. Tell the professionals every fear or apprehension you have about any part of the process, no matter how silly it sounds. Read as much as you can about the process and what people have experienced. Talk to others, and know that no two people are alike. Gather the information but know that just because something went wrong for one person, doesn't mean that will happen to you. One of the wonderful effects of the surgery can be hair loss. It is due to lack of protein or certain vitamins. It doesn't happen to everyone and it doesn't necessarily happen right away, but it can happen. I am told it comes back and there are things you can take to remedy it. If knowing this freaks you out, tell someone. There is nothing wrong with changing your mind.


Luckily I haven't had any hair loss yet and I hope I don't, but if I do, I will do as much as I can to remedy it. Not everyone is willing to risk hair loss, it can be traumatic. My point is every aspect of this type of surgery needs to be weighed carefully. You will know if and when you are ready to take a leap of faith. Just trust your instincts.