In This Moment

In this moment I feel at peace.

In this moment I believe in myself.

In this moment I know my weight loss surgery was the best thing I ever did for myself.

In this moment I can celebrate.

In this moment I feel happy.

This moment is all I really have. It's amazing how much I think about and try to orchestrate the future outcomes of my life. It's also amazing how little I can actually orchestrate The future outcomes of my life. I realized recently how much of a control freak I am. Not when it comes to other people, but when it comes to the way I want things to go for me. For some strange reason, I believe that if I do things perfectly, in a precise way, I WILL have the desired outcome. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This post will be sort of a mixed bag because of Father's Day and things I want to write about. I got a good report from my surgeon's office, I lost another 13 pounds last month and I am thrilled. I read a lot of posts from fellow bariatric surgery patients and how much they do everything they are supposed to and are not losing weight. They are most likely at a stall but it speaks to prove my point that you can do everything right and things still won't necessarily go the way you wanted to. We all have to live life on life's terms. That is a hard lesson for me to learn and practice.

I think it is safe to say that after six months of losing weight I have adjusted to eating better and losing weight. It's not always easy, but I am doing it. I am not resisting it. My direction is there. I feel it in my gut (pun, sorry). Dining out is usually challenging; most places give such large portions. I always get three meals out of one. I guess I am a cheap date.

Speaking of dating, I am. I am seeing someone for the first time since my weight loss. I won't go into too much detail yet, but the one thing I notice is how much better my sense of self is. How much more I value myself and how I am much more ready to let someone love me. It's amazes me. It's sad, but unfortunately weight plays into that so much. I am always afraid to say that things are going well, because when they don't I will feel like an idiot. As if I failed and it's my fault. Even if it is my fault and I fail, so what. I am trying hard to learn that I don't have to be perfect, it doesn't mean I am stupid. I just don't have control over the outcomes I want. It's a good thing too because I firmly believe that things don't work out for a good reason. Things go the way they are supposed to go.

I will write more about my dating life another time, but for now I want to mention Fathers.

How special Fathers are; the strength, the comfort, the example, the protection we get from Fathers is very unique. Fathers are the north star. They are our center, our core.

I have so many memories of my Dad. He was amazing. He didn't have to say much, and his gifts to me were endless. Through their toughness, their children soften them like no one else. It's a very special role in a man's life. I know several Dads and the one thing that make them very special is how they are about their children. Everything else in the world pales in comparison to a man's children. I miss my Dad very much and I hopefully live as the person he taught me to be.

So in this moment, I wish all the Dads out there a very Happy Father's Day.