A Journey Worth Taking: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

A Journey Worth Taking: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!: I am almost six months out of surgery and my progress and the changes it brings are amazing. I am changing in many ways; when you lose weig...

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

I am almost six months out of surgery and my progress and the changes it brings are amazing. I am changing in many ways; when you lose weight things shift in unexpected ways. My loss is up to about 56 pounds, albeit more to go, I am so pleased. I am having some sciatica pain mostly when I sleep, but for now I can deal. My confidence level has improved too, yay.

I've been thinking a lot lately about fear and what it does. Fears and insecurities are nasty little things that close us off from many things we need or want to experience, but why? Perhaps because all our lives we hear judgments of everything and certain opinions stick with us. We hear, oh it hurts to get a needle in the arm, therefore people expect pain without even knowing if we can stand the little prick or how much it will actually hurt. We hear intimacy leads to heartache and pain, so we shy away from getting close. We give fear so much power over our actions. We build up the unknown in our minds based on what other people experienced, and how could we not; it's all we have to go on. We base our insecurities on our past failures and disappointments and expect the same outcome.

 

After years of doing this the idea of something painful causes us to shutter away from it. The anticipation fear creates is what helps brace us for how it will feel or in some cases make us stay away from the "danger". Yet we have no hard evidence there really is danger. In some cases, it may be even be better. Then the fear of success can lead to building up the feeling of losing what we gained from our risk. We create the insecurity, it's a choice. The best way to overcome our fears is to walk towards them. That gives us the control to feel the fear and master whatever it is you want to experience at the same time seeing that fear is an illusion to be laughed at.

 

There is fear in weight loss surgery and losing weight because what if I lose weight and still don't feel good about myself? What if I am still unattractive? What if I am healthier in some ways but its not enough? What if nothing in my life gets better? The truth is that losing weight guarantees only one thing, you will weigh less and surgery only guarantees you will lose weight. The fear builds up these expectations so high that anything less will be a disappointment. We may pass this along to others, therefore making weight loss and surgery something scary. The illusion vanishes when we realize that like I said in the past everything is a trade off and yes you may gain something by losing weight but lose other things you can't imagine. Faith and trust in ourselves is the strength we have to overcome the fears. You are in control of your fears and how you react to them. Run towards them and they will dissipate.

 

I can't take credit for this but fear has two options: "Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise."

 

A Journey Worth Taking: Who Were You Meant To Be?

A Journey Worth Taking: Who Were You Meant To Be?: How do you make all your dreams come true? Better yet, what do those dreams really look like? We all know that life offers no magic wand. ...

Who Were You Meant To Be?

How do you make all your dreams come true? Better yet, what do those dreams really look like? We all know that life offers no magic wand. That would be freaky and I don't even think we could handle that. What I love is seeing your dreams unfold, day in and day out. What's amazing is how you change through the "making" of dreams. Whether it be to lose weight and be the person you always wanted to be, or winning a gold medal in sports, finding a cure for cancer or even something as simple as finding the love you deserve and raising a family, the beauty of it is in the becoming before and after the dream has been achieved.

I realize it sounds cliche; its not the journey, its the destination, blah, blah, blah, but what I mean is , recognizing what it as it's happening. The true destination, I believe, is all the unexpected things you learn and how you grow throughout that process. That's where the dream is realized. 

I guess what I am wondering is it what about your "dream" is going to make you happy and fulfilled. Ok with a gold medal that's pretty clear, I guess. Or is it? Once the gold (or goal is achieved) is it over? Or is it the experiences that got you there that linger the good feelings along way after your achievement. Or better yet, if you don't win the gold, what do you truly win, and was that the true dream anyway? Is the recognition of curing cancer enough, or is it who it made you become? What was gotten out of the stumbling, and the mistakes along the way that weaves it and helps it take shape? Are there great opportunities in failures? When that caterpillar goes through that transformation and becomes that butterfly he was meant to become, where does he fly?

You can be on cloud nine but if you put it on a well made shelf that you yourself built, won't it last longer and be more real? What happens when you lose weight and look good? How did that loss change how you interact with others? How does it change how you feel about yourself? What kind of person do you want the winner to be? When it comes to your children, how you make your dreams come true molds them too, whether they are born yet or not.

I ask you to dig deep and think about these questions. I am beginning to learn and see how my weight loss is slowly making me into the person I want to be, not just look. It's making me the person I always knew I am supposed to be. That was always my dream. My weight blocked so much of that and now I am so fortunate to be able to even begin to come out from behind the shield. Like the title of this blog, this journey is truly worth taking!

A Mother of a Job

With Mother's Day this weekend I of course, have to talk about my Mom. My Mom passed away back in 1997 and I miss her terribly. She was only 71 and I was only 32. Kinda young to lose your Mom especially since my Dad died when I was only 25. She was my best friend who always cared so much about me. My Mom was remarkable because she was very intelligent and oh so quiet about it. My Dad used to mention how intelligent she was but I never realized just how smart until I was older. She was so unassuming and understated about it.

It amazed me how she sacrificed so much to raise 4 kids, and in those days that was the norm.  She had me late in life so she was always older then the Moms of my friends. She stopped working when she got pregnant with her first child and devoted herself to raising 3 boys and then me. She never wavered in how much she gave and how much she was there for us.

I have fond memories of how when I was really young and she would draw with me and teach me different things; we would draw gas station logos. She didn't drive so we would walk together to the stores. She took the time to play games with me. She was always so sweet and always listened. Usually supportive of my choices, but knew when to steer me away from something not so good.

I remember one of the most fun times with her was when I was graduating from high school and we were preparing for my party. She and I decided to carve our own watermelon boat. We got very silly and had a ball putting that thing together. It was a little lopsided but it was good.

When I was going through rough times, she was so there for me. I gave her a hard time sometimes but like most mothers she never wavered in loving me. She would always try to help me lose weight even though I would resist it. I took things out on her sometime and it amazes me how mothers may get hurt but it doesn't matter, they still love you. She wasn't perfect by any means, but she did her best and I feel so lucky to have been raised by her. Never do I realize that more than these days. She instilled respect for others in me and that is just one of the many wonderful things she showed me.

In her quiet way she molded four children into wonderful adults just by being herself and loving them very much. I am happy for the things she taught me and the values she practiced. She taught by example and I wish she could have seen her grandchild grow up. She was very devoted and always put us before herself. If that's not the definition of a Mom, I don't know what is.

One of the saddest things I remember is when I had my first real job, one of the board members remembered my Mom from high school and he asked me what she went on to do and I told him she was a housewife. He said that's too bad because she was super smart. I felt badly because I wondered about what she could have been. As we know, in the 50's and 60's a lot of women took this route. She was a little too soon for the women's movement. Who knows how remarkable she could have been during a different time period.

As her daughter I can only be a living tribute to her by being a good respectful person and never slide away from the values she taught me. Maybe somehow she can hear this blog and hopefully be proud of me. Like her I am far from perfect, but the best things about myself, she gave me. In her housewife life, she accomplished so much. It is still carried on through her children and grandchildren.

Being a Mom is like nothing else. It is the hardest, most gut wrenching job ever. I'm not even a Mom and I know that. It's messy, aggravating, harsh, funny, tiring, wonderful and non stop. It is the most important job in the world; there is no training, no manual to refer to. So it's good we have a day to honor all the Mothers in our lives. They are all remarkable. Happy Mother's Day to all.