A Journey Worth Taking: What The World Needs Now

A Journey Worth Taking: What The World Needs Now: Are our society's human relations damaged beyond repair? Are compassion, understanding and tolerance becoming extinct? Do self-care and...

What The World Needs Now

Are our society's human relations damaged beyond repair? Are compassion, understanding and tolerance becoming extinct? Do self-care and consideration for others have to be exclusive of one another? God I hope not! These things came to mind recently when I had an issue with someone that I am dating and I brought it up in an online weight loss surgery forum for an objective opinion. The issue itself isn't important, but what is important to me was the overwhelming narrow-minded dis-compassionate response I got from almost everyone. I am sad to say, mostly from women. 

Why are we so quick to string someone up by their toenails when an issue arises rather than examine things from both sides, especially ourselves. I find personal inventory is unbelievably non-existent.  The easy way of throwing out the baby with the bath water was much more spoken about than discussing and working through a problem. I really don't get it. On top of that, my character was bombarded with several inaccurate negative judgments. Have people really become this angry and intolerant of someone's behavior that we can't discuss it before immediately labeling them as pond scum?? Do we really believe that everyone speak or act perfectly at ever turn? Is it so difficult to look at our own role in a relationship issue? Wow, a scary thought for sure.

It is alarming to me how on so-called "reality tv" shows revere staunch war for simple disagreements of opinions and unsavory traits. Are we that addicted to drama? When did we become so harsh? I am not in any way shape or form saying to not voice disharmony when something is annoying or hurting us, not at all, but I don't think we have to permanently dislodge someone from our lives because they said something negative. What I am saying is I think we need to examine and talk about said problems. In fact it is our responsibility to inform the person that your behavior is effecting me, please stop. Even if it takes a few times to get the point across; learned behavior is a process and may require us to speak up more than once, and that's ok. There are always two people in every relationship.

I was quite shocked at how defensive women got by my expressing disagreement with their opinions. You would have thought I slapped them in the face. Actually the issue I was referring to turned out to be a communication thing more than an actual issue and partially my own fault. That is my point, we all need to look at our own role when something is upsetting us. It is so important to communicate as cleanly has possible as much as possible. It was disturbing how angry and intolerant the woman in this forum were and how quickly they were ready to crucify and judge me. I am not so sure we don't need a refresher course in human relations. Aren't we still brethren of the same universe? Remember kindness, compassion, understanding, and tolerance? If you look real hard, you can almost see them in the distance.

A Journey Worth Taking: In This Moment

A Journey Worth Taking: In This Moment: In this moment I feel at peace. In this moment I believe in myself. In this moment I know my weight loss surgery was the best thing I e...

In This Moment

In this moment I feel at peace.

In this moment I believe in myself.

In this moment I know my weight loss surgery was the best thing I ever did for myself.

In this moment I can celebrate.

In this moment I feel happy.

This moment is all I really have. It's amazing how much I think about and try to orchestrate the future outcomes of my life. It's also amazing how little I can actually orchestrate The future outcomes of my life. I realized recently how much of a control freak I am. Not when it comes to other people, but when it comes to the way I want things to go for me. For some strange reason, I believe that if I do things perfectly, in a precise way, I WILL have the desired outcome. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This post will be sort of a mixed bag because of Father's Day and things I want to write about. I got a good report from my surgeon's office, I lost another 13 pounds last month and I am thrilled. I read a lot of posts from fellow bariatric surgery patients and how much they do everything they are supposed to and are not losing weight. They are most likely at a stall but it speaks to prove my point that you can do everything right and things still won't necessarily go the way you wanted to. We all have to live life on life's terms. That is a hard lesson for me to learn and practice.

I think it is safe to say that after six months of losing weight I have adjusted to eating better and losing weight. It's not always easy, but I am doing it. I am not resisting it. My direction is there. I feel it in my gut (pun, sorry). Dining out is usually challenging; most places give such large portions. I always get three meals out of one. I guess I am a cheap date.

Speaking of dating, I am. I am seeing someone for the first time since my weight loss. I won't go into too much detail yet, but the one thing I notice is how much better my sense of self is. How much more I value myself and how I am much more ready to let someone love me. It's amazes me. It's sad, but unfortunately weight plays into that so much. I am always afraid to say that things are going well, because when they don't I will feel like an idiot. As if I failed and it's my fault. Even if it is my fault and I fail, so what. I am trying hard to learn that I don't have to be perfect, it doesn't mean I am stupid. I just don't have control over the outcomes I want. It's a good thing too because I firmly believe that things don't work out for a good reason. Things go the way they are supposed to go.

I will write more about my dating life another time, but for now I want to mention Fathers.

How special Fathers are; the strength, the comfort, the example, the protection we get from Fathers is very unique. Fathers are the north star. They are our center, our core.

I have so many memories of my Dad. He was amazing. He didn't have to say much, and his gifts to me were endless. Through their toughness, their children soften them like no one else. It's a very special role in a man's life. I know several Dads and the one thing that make them very special is how they are about their children. Everything else in the world pales in comparison to a man's children. I miss my Dad very much and I hopefully live as the person he taught me to be.

So in this moment, I wish all the Dads out there a very Happy Father's Day.

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is appropriate to talk about at work to how many dates to wait before you have sex to what is cool in fashion or where is the best place to raise a family. Not only are we bombarded with others opinions on everything under the sun, but those opinions change. When we are young we may hear what is the best amount of time to wait before we have sex with a new boyfriend/girlfriend, but by the time we are of dating age, that can change a great deal. We may not have any attachment when we are younger to living in a particular state or city, but when it comes times to choose, we think back to what other's have said. How could we not? It's no wonder we have confusion when it comes time to make important choices.

 

I am wondering if all our lives, we hear so many different opinions, how do we make the best choices when the time comes? Whose voice do we listen to? Like me, if for years you hear how risky weight loss surgery is, how do you go from resistance and fear to taking the risk? It can be an interesting turn of events that leads us to any decision we make, especially the important ones. We may wonder, will I be disappointing my family if my family's members collectively believe it is not a good idea to marry someone of a different religion or race, I go ahead and fall in love with someone of color or a different religion. Am I letting my friends down, if they all like a certain type of music, and I like an offbeat genre that they balk at? Will people who have always said, bariatric surgery is very dangerous be supportive of my decision.

 

Now we all at first reaction say, "Who cares what others think?", but it really is how we come to make our opinions about various things. It's not that we need validation or approval, but we only had other's opinions to go by. So who do you listen to?  In an attempt to make the best decision for us, we listen to what others have had to say and base our opinions on that. Now, I am not saying everyone, always makes their important decisions this way, but it does come into play, more for some than others. No one wants to make a poor choice.

 

I believe the way our decisions are made is by ultimately listening to their own voice. Your own voice is the only one that truly knows what's best for you at any given time. Yes you may get flack for a particular choice, but at the end of the day, the only person we answer to is ourselves. We can weigh all the positive and negative things we know about a particular thing, but ultimately we will do what WE want. The answers for you are in YOU.

 

It is easy to get hung up or confused by many opinions over many years based on changing values and newly learned knowledge. The final action comes when a leap of faith is taken after listening to your own heart. Every outcome will be different for everyone of us and how we feel about something we truly won't know until it is in front of us. It's about the action and the risk. It's about trust. Not only trust that we made the best choice, but trust that if we didn't, we will be ok.

 

When I was deciding to have my surgery, I had this overwhelming calm that no matter what, I would be ok. Whether I lost weight or not, I would come out the other side changed for taking the risk. Nothing has ever changed me more.