Scary Glimmers

I am not sure where to begin this story because there is the journey at hand and what led up to it. I think I will start with the journey at hand.

For years I heard scary things about weight loss surgery. I was in an eating disorder group about 10-13 years ago and one of the members spoke about her sister who opted for weight loss surgery. She was having horrible problems with her esophagus and stomach. She was advising the members not to consider it. At that time, I thought I could conquer this problem with dieting. I decided I would never resort to such a drastic option. This group was helping me... Yeah right. Ok, it helped me meet some nice people that were struggling with the same things I was, but my behavior didn't change. And now hearing about that surgery, well that will NEVER be for me.

Fast forward to a few years later and a good friend of mine had the surgery. He was a very, very large man and one day after not seeing him for a while he said oh and by the way I had weight loss surgery. Okaaaaay. I didn't see that coming, but I asked him how it was. His story was much more positive. He was feeling quite well and sounded very hopeful. A few months past before I saw him and let me tell you, what a shock. The first thing I asked him was, "What did you do to my friend Mark?" I don't know who you are. We always had a very fun, sarcastic rapport. He didn't even look like the same person. Because he wasn't. He looked amazing. Like a completely different man. We talked all about it and he said he can eat a lot and whatever he wants, but that was not typical. He was lucky. He felt good and was very happy, and I was happy for him. Thrilled actually.  The one thing I thought was very odd was that he started having sex with men. Not that there's anything wrong with that; I just thought it was an unusual outcome. Obviously, that is another story and about him so I don't fully know the whole story. It didn't matter to me, I accepted him anyway. I was just glad to see him happy.

In my head, no way would I ever have surgery, it will not be necessary. So you see the pattern here. My feelings of I can do this and by myself. With dieting and exercise like I've done before. But the gnawing feeling inside was I invested so much time and money into losing weight in years prior, I just don't feel like going through that again. I don't have it in me.

With the knowledge of the existence of such a surgery, I continued on with my life for the next few years dealing with life by eating food with every stressor and every uncomfortable feeling. Trying to diet and deal, but slowly gaining weight. It was clear. I ruled out surgery.

Thanks for listening to this installment. - Lorri