And So It Goes

The first night home I was very tired and when I went to lay down, I had some pain. I took half a Percocet before bed and it knocked me out for half the night. I woke up once in a little pain, so took the other half. Nothing too unbearable, but warranting medication.

 

Each day, I would feel a little better. There was still swelling and I was eating like a little bird; slow, tiny bites of a very small amount of food. I wasn't hungry at all. The new rule is to always wait 30 minutes after I eat before drinking any liquids, forever. I thought I would hate this, but it wasn't that bad. I had been instructed to walk a little every hour and this helped get me up. Blood clots can still develop months after surgery, so walking is still very important. I am increasing the amount of food I eat daily, slowly with a focus on protein intake being of primary importance.

 

I felt a huge change in me. I began to think about the whole experience. I thought about the people on Youtube that said they were depressed right after surgery. I didn't feel depressed at all. I thought about all the months of planning and testing, questions and the people involved. I thought about how much better my legs already feel. All I had was this overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I am so blessed; blessed to have the surgery covered by insurance, blessed to have somehow found a truly wonderful surgeon who did a near perfect job giving me this powerful tool that will change my life and most likely add years to it. I was blessed to have a wonderful family who worried about such a big surgery, but never once uttered a word of discouragement; blessed to have such great friends who for 6 months listen to me talk about "my surgery". Co-workers who had to pick up the slack while I was home recuperating. A therapist that I can say anything to and not feel ashamed. I am truly fortunate to have this whole mixture of people behind me, helping me slay the dragon that had consumed me and taken over my life and feelings towards myself.

 

For as long as I can remember, in my mind, my identity has been "overweight woman". I let it follow me around for so long, erasing any feeling of attractiveness I had ever had. The shame of being overweight is unbearable. Looking in the mirror or at pictures was unbearable. The physical pain of carrying so much extra weight was becoming unbearable. Thank God I found a way towards a healthier way of living. I am the happiest I have been in a very long time. With each day, I felt myself come more and more alive.

 

In a week after surgery I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon. He was very pleased with my progress and their scale had read I was down 16 pounds. Amazing to me - I was on my way. I wanted to give something back and the only thing I could do was to tell him how the whole experience was seamless and that the amount of gratitude I feel is beyond words. So many times we all love to trash  things when they go wrong and this was one time that I had to mention how impressed I was with this experience and how much I appreciated his confidence and talent.

 

So I have come full circle this this journey most definitely worth taking. The reason for starting these posts is to hopefully reach someone, who may be thinking about surgery as an option or someone who is struggling with pain and shame of being obese. I hope someone finds this story of a 48 year old animal lover who is deeply flawed  but finding her way towards a better life, helpful and interesting.

 

I will continue to post about my progress and struggles, most likely once a week. Do I expect there will be setbacks? Absolutely, I am still very human. Writing this blog will help keep me in check. I am in counseling which I find very helpful.  I will begin attending a monthly support group in February and follow up with the surgeon's office is for life. Once a month for the first year and once a year for life. Not bad for a practice that has uses marketing with a little bit of the "Ick Factor"

 

And so it goes, I am happy to say that as of this writing I am almost 20 pounds lighter. Not bad. Not bad at all.