Catfish...

It's been a bit of a wild and wooly week; I'll call it a double catfish week. I belong to a small Facebook group for people who had the same weight loss surgery as me in the same month. It's a very supportive and active group and it's really been great.

 

About two weeks ago one of the members informed the group that another member developed complications and has a pulmonary embolism and needs our prayers. She was in an induced coma and is being watched carefully. It was very sad, she is a young woman who had lost her young daughter a few years back to Leukemia. Most of the members shuttered to think that could be anyone of us right now. Again sending home the thought of how lucky I have been.

 

Sadly, on Wednesday, we got word she died from a stroke. It hit me like a ton of bricks; how awful for her family. It was just horrible to think, here is someone trying to better herself and now just lost everything. Some of the members discussed sending flowers, etc. and were asking where to send it. We were told the family doesn't want anything but donations for Leukemia research. Understandable.

 

And then it all unraveled. Thursday night at about 2:00 AM I don't know what woke me up and made me check Facebook but I did. At around Midnight the group's administrators let us know that the death of this young woman was a complete scam. Both women's Facebook pages were now gone after the informant was confronted. It is surmised that it was to bilk people out of money or they or she has a vendetta against a surgeon or weight loss surgery in general or even overweight people. The truth of why will never really be known, but oh my God. What a twisted and cruel thing to do. To have the audacity to create this whole scenario with pictures and friends - a whole life really is just beyond belief. I can't fathom doing such a thing so I would have never have even thought twice that this would be untrue. Just unbelievable how desperate people are and would try to rattle a small group like that.  As a group, the anger was palpable. It took a few days, but everyone finally moved past the betrayal. I am relived it didn't advance to anyone sending money.

 

It moves my thoughts to trust in this electronic age. I mentioned double catfish week and there was a situation that happened in a dating situation. Online dating can be a minefield and I am not crazy about it, but I do it because like anything else, it can be successful. I have friends who recently married meeting online. Luckily, I picked up some miss matched items and trusted my newly chopped up gut that something didn't feel right about this. I don't really know for sure, and perhaps my radar was overly heightened due to the other situation earlier in the week, but I am going with my instincts on this one.

 

I hate to sound preachy, but my point with all this is how careful we all must be with so much sharing in cyberworld these days. It's so easy for any one's imagination to run wild and create whole lives for themselves that are completely fabricated. It's pretty mind blowing, actually, and it happens all the time. I hate the world its become in terms of things like this because how sad it is that we all have to keep one eye keen and our instincts polished to perfection at all times. How do you sift out the truth from the sheer BS?? It's become one of the many situations that require careful navigation through the electronic age. Like I always say, I miss the 70's.

 

For those who don't know "catfish" is a slang term used to describe one's misrepresentation of themselves in an online, usually, social media situation for any number of reasons such as mental pathology or monetary gain.

A Journey Worth Taking: It's Coming

A Journey Worth Taking: It's Coming: Spring is in the offing... Finally, with Spring comes that feeling of renewal and awakening like no other time of the year. Beautiful flowe...

It's Coming

Spring is in the offing... Finally, with Spring comes that feeling of renewal and awakening like no other time of the year. Beautiful flowers and the warmth we've all missed so much over this long snowy winter are on their way. It's the new beginning we all need and it happens every year. I love this time of year.

Being an overweight person all my life I always felt left out of being able to wear shorts and little dresses because of how I looked. Sad, how much being overweight forces us to alter about ourselves. We try to hide the one thing we cannot, and yet now that I am losing weight, I am still the same person inside. All the physical changes cannot really change who I am which leads me to wonder what will really change for me? I won't suddenly become less lonely or more social. I certainly won't become rich. Those are things I still have to work on.

The difference is that I won't feel ashamed or embarrassed and I won't have that feeling of dread that people won't like me because of my size. I will feel like the playing field is more even. Now people might be more willing to get to know me. I am still the same person who loves to laugh and joke around. One who loves animals and art and being kind and compassionate. I am still the same person who isn't great with money and doesn't always make the best choices. I remain creative and curious about life. I still love to dance and tease my friends mercilessly. I am still not the smartest person and I still sell myself short with career.

My shortcomings don't change overnight because my weight changes. Those things still need to be explored and worked on. My point in all this is for those contemplating weight loss surgery should not expect their whole lives to change just because they are suddenly thinner. Improvement is a lifelong, interactive process.

I for one am happy not to lose the sense of compassion and kindness. I am glad it won't change my core. I am glad I will still be the same on the inside. Perhaps better. I am more grateful and relieved that I don't have to worry about as many health issues. My weight loss journey was a huge undertaking that took months and it was great. I now can focus on improving my other shortcomings. Sometimes its those shortcomings that make us interesting or endearing to others. There is more room now for focusing on improving other things. It should be an interesting voyage going forward.

A Journey Worth Taking: Dads & Daughters

A Journey Worth Taking: Dads & Daughters: I had my second post-op visit with the surgeon's office this week and I got a good report. I am on track with losing about one pound pe...

Dads & Daughters

I had my second post-op visit with the surgeon's office this week and I got a good report. I am on track with losing about one pound per week now. I cannot have any carbs yet which is ok. I am dealing. I miss bread a tiny bit, but it's ok. I found a decent iron supplement which is good because the shakes seem to have subsided now. I was also cleared for all activity. Last weekend I walked for a long time like I was able to in my workout days. It felt so great to be able to do that again. I am hoping to take some classes soon too.

 

One of the things that other surgery patients experienced and I have too is having vivid dreams. It's been a wild few weeks of very weird convoluted dreams. I can't help but wonder if my sub-conscious is working through old feelings that made me overeat in the past. Some of the dreams were about family and others are about old relationships. It's like watching a little movie every night.

 

Perhaps because of these dreams, it popped into my head this week how much losing my Dad at such a  young age effected me. I was about 25. Not long before he died I was at my healthiest, losing over 60 pounds and working out 3-4 times a week. I spent a lot of money, time and energy to lose that weight and worked very hard for it. After he died my Mom got sick and I remember feeling very sad and discouraged. It wasn't all that long ago my brother and others close to me died unexpectedly. I stopped working out and started to slowly gain all my weight back. It took me two decades but I gained it back and more.

My Dad was a great guy and when I was young we went everywhere together. He took me to softball games and Lawrence Football games. He took me to see the Yankees and to his job as an oil delivery man. We would go shopping and visit family every weekend. He would take me to run errands and visit his friends. He even built me a walk-in doll house in our back yard that had paneling and lights. It was amazing.  He was so happy to have a daughter after three boys and he always let me know that. He taught me the value of working hard and being a fair person. He loved to joke around and laugh, and he loved children. We were very close and I miss him terribly.

When he died I couldn't cry, and I always felt guilty about that. I couldn't understand why I couldn't cry. I think facing it was just too painful and I didn't allow myself to feel it then. As years went on, it got harder because as things happened in my life, I realized that he's never coming back. I wish I could have told him I had this surgery. There are many other accomplishments I wish I could have shared with him.

There is nothing like having a great Dad. There is something about Fathers and Daughters that is very special. Some girls search for a mate that mirrors our Dad and some are lucky to find it. I've spent a long time trying to find someone with good values and morals, but haven't found him yet. Who knows maybe someday. For now I have my memories of countless adventures growing up with my Dad. He was a WWII veteran and very proud of that. He was a sports lover, and treasured family, friends and life. He gave me and my brothers many gifts that we carry with us forever.

A Journey Worth Taking: The Broccoli Incident

A Journey Worth Taking: The Broccoli Incident: Another week gone by already. It's amazes me how time zooms by. This week was pretty good. I am doing very well in terms of how much I ...

The Broccoli Incident

Another week gone by already. It's amazes me how time zooms by. This week was pretty good. I am doing very well in terms of how much I am eating and sticking to healthy low-carb meals. I did have a huge fight with a piece of raw broccoli. I was cooking and wasn't thinking, I ate a piece and didn't chew well enough. Big mistake, oh man it was soooo painful and I returned some of it. The pain lasted a good 20 minutes and I had this awful taste in my mouth. I will never do that again. The last thing I want to do is anger my sleeve. I can laugh about it now, but ouch.

 

I am also struggling with an inner shaky feeling all over. I had blood work to check it and it came back showing low iron, so that could be the reason. More investigating has to be done. It's an awful feeling that comes and goes and I hope to get it under control soon.

 

I found a few great books to read about the process of adjusting to a new life and losing weight. It's great because I am learning how a lot of people experienced the same things good or bad that I am. It made me think about how everyone struggles with something in their lives. Whether its family, job, money, love, substance abuse, handicaps, obesity, anxiety, depression, etc. we all have something to deal with. I also believe that adversity of any type builds character. I know that sound cliché, but it really is true. It fosters sensitivity and compassion. Things that are easy to forget in this brash world. It's necessary to have some struggles in order to grow and learn and make us complete.

 

Obesity isn't my only struggle, but it is the biggest. Now that I am dealing with my weight, I still need to build up the rest of my life. Knowing what you want is half the battle; I am not sure what building up my life looks like. Now that I don't feel like hiding as much, where am I going? Some days I have this very antsy feeling like I want to run out and say I'm here, look at me and what I am improving about myself. It's strange considering for so long I didn't want anyone to see me. In some ways I feel like I graduated  from school again and am not sure what direction to go now.

 

This part is up to me, and that's an even tougher thing sometimes. I am thinking of volunteering for the hospital. I like being productive and want to give something back for this incredible gift I've been given. It will be a little while due to time in between the orientation they offer, but I think it will be very enjoyable. It's a start.

 

I can't wait to start exercising again. I have more energy and less pains and of course less weight so I am ready to go. I haven't done much exercising in a very long time. Clothes are getting big on me already, and it still blows my mind everyday how different my mind is when it comes to food. I have been able to take back control and that was the hardest part about this struggle. I hope others can find helpful paths and people, like I did to help them with their struggles.