I had my second post-op visit with the surgeon's office this week and I got a good report. I am on track with losing about one pound per week now. I cannot have any carbs yet which is ok. I am dealing. I miss bread a tiny bit, but it's ok. I found a decent iron supplement which is good because the shakes seem to have subsided now. I was also cleared for all activity. Last weekend I walked for a long time like I was able to in my workout days. It felt so great to be able to do that again. I am hoping to take some classes soon too.
One of the things that other surgery patients experienced and I have too is having vivid dreams. It's been a wild few weeks of very weird convoluted dreams. I can't help but wonder if my sub-conscious is working through old feelings that made me overeat in the past. Some of the dreams were about family and others are about old relationships. It's like watching a little movie every night.
Perhaps because of these dreams, it popped into my head this week how much losing my Dad at such a young age effected me. I was about 25. Not long before he died I was at my healthiest, losing over 60 pounds and working out 3-4 times a week. I spent a lot of money, time and energy to lose that weight and worked very hard for it. After he died my Mom got sick and I remember feeling very sad and discouraged. It wasn't all that long ago my brother and others close to me died unexpectedly. I stopped working out and started to slowly gain all my weight back. It took me two decades but I gained it back and more.
My Dad was a great guy and when I was young we went everywhere together. He took me to softball games and Lawrence Football games. He took me to see the Yankees and to his job as an oil delivery man. We would go shopping and visit family every weekend. He would take me to run errands and visit his friends. He even built me a walk-in doll house in our back yard that had paneling and lights. It was amazing. He was so happy to have a daughter after three boys and he always let me know that. He taught me the value of working hard and being a fair person. He loved to joke around and laugh, and he loved children. We were very close and I miss him terribly.
When he died I couldn't cry, and I always felt guilty about that. I couldn't understand why I couldn't cry. I think facing it was just too painful and I didn't allow myself to feel it then. As years went on, it got harder because as things happened in my life, I realized that he's never coming back. I wish I could have told him I had this surgery. There are many other accomplishments I wish I could have shared with him.
There is nothing like having a great Dad. There is something about Fathers and Daughters that is very special. Some girls search for a mate that mirrors our Dad and some are lucky to find it. I've spent a long time trying to find someone with good values and morals, but haven't found him yet. Who knows maybe someday. For now I have my memories of countless adventures growing up with my Dad. He was a WWII veteran and very proud of that. He was a sports lover, and treasured family, friends and life. He gave me and my brothers many gifts that we carry with us forever.
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