A Journey Worth Taking: What The World Needs Now

A Journey Worth Taking: What The World Needs Now: Are our society's human relations damaged beyond repair? Are compassion, understanding and tolerance becoming extinct? Do self-care and...

What The World Needs Now

Are our society's human relations damaged beyond repair? Are compassion, understanding and tolerance becoming extinct? Do self-care and consideration for others have to be exclusive of one another? God I hope not! These things came to mind recently when I had an issue with someone that I am dating and I brought it up in an online weight loss surgery forum for an objective opinion. The issue itself isn't important, but what is important to me was the overwhelming narrow-minded dis-compassionate response I got from almost everyone. I am sad to say, mostly from women. 

Why are we so quick to string someone up by their toenails when an issue arises rather than examine things from both sides, especially ourselves. I find personal inventory is unbelievably non-existent.  The easy way of throwing out the baby with the bath water was much more spoken about than discussing and working through a problem. I really don't get it. On top of that, my character was bombarded with several inaccurate negative judgments. Have people really become this angry and intolerant of someone's behavior that we can't discuss it before immediately labeling them as pond scum?? Do we really believe that everyone speak or act perfectly at ever turn? Is it so difficult to look at our own role in a relationship issue? Wow, a scary thought for sure.

It is alarming to me how on so-called "reality tv" shows revere staunch war for simple disagreements of opinions and unsavory traits. Are we that addicted to drama? When did we become so harsh? I am not in any way shape or form saying to not voice disharmony when something is annoying or hurting us, not at all, but I don't think we have to permanently dislodge someone from our lives because they said something negative. What I am saying is I think we need to examine and talk about said problems. In fact it is our responsibility to inform the person that your behavior is effecting me, please stop. Even if it takes a few times to get the point across; learned behavior is a process and may require us to speak up more than once, and that's ok. There are always two people in every relationship.

I was quite shocked at how defensive women got by my expressing disagreement with their opinions. You would have thought I slapped them in the face. Actually the issue I was referring to turned out to be a communication thing more than an actual issue and partially my own fault. That is my point, we all need to look at our own role when something is upsetting us. It is so important to communicate as cleanly has possible as much as possible. It was disturbing how angry and intolerant the woman in this forum were and how quickly they were ready to crucify and judge me. I am not so sure we don't need a refresher course in human relations. Aren't we still brethren of the same universe? Remember kindness, compassion, understanding, and tolerance? If you look real hard, you can almost see them in the distance.

A Journey Worth Taking: In This Moment

A Journey Worth Taking: In This Moment: In this moment I feel at peace. In this moment I believe in myself. In this moment I know my weight loss surgery was the best thing I e...

In This Moment

In this moment I feel at peace.

In this moment I believe in myself.

In this moment I know my weight loss surgery was the best thing I ever did for myself.

In this moment I can celebrate.

In this moment I feel happy.

This moment is all I really have. It's amazing how much I think about and try to orchestrate the future outcomes of my life. It's also amazing how little I can actually orchestrate The future outcomes of my life. I realized recently how much of a control freak I am. Not when it comes to other people, but when it comes to the way I want things to go for me. For some strange reason, I believe that if I do things perfectly, in a precise way, I WILL have the desired outcome. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This post will be sort of a mixed bag because of Father's Day and things I want to write about. I got a good report from my surgeon's office, I lost another 13 pounds last month and I am thrilled. I read a lot of posts from fellow bariatric surgery patients and how much they do everything they are supposed to and are not losing weight. They are most likely at a stall but it speaks to prove my point that you can do everything right and things still won't necessarily go the way you wanted to. We all have to live life on life's terms. That is a hard lesson for me to learn and practice.

I think it is safe to say that after six months of losing weight I have adjusted to eating better and losing weight. It's not always easy, but I am doing it. I am not resisting it. My direction is there. I feel it in my gut (pun, sorry). Dining out is usually challenging; most places give such large portions. I always get three meals out of one. I guess I am a cheap date.

Speaking of dating, I am. I am seeing someone for the first time since my weight loss. I won't go into too much detail yet, but the one thing I notice is how much better my sense of self is. How much more I value myself and how I am much more ready to let someone love me. It's amazes me. It's sad, but unfortunately weight plays into that so much. I am always afraid to say that things are going well, because when they don't I will feel like an idiot. As if I failed and it's my fault. Even if it is my fault and I fail, so what. I am trying hard to learn that I don't have to be perfect, it doesn't mean I am stupid. I just don't have control over the outcomes I want. It's a good thing too because I firmly believe that things don't work out for a good reason. Things go the way they are supposed to go.

I will write more about my dating life another time, but for now I want to mention Fathers.

How special Fathers are; the strength, the comfort, the example, the protection we get from Fathers is very unique. Fathers are the north star. They are our center, our core.

I have so many memories of my Dad. He was amazing. He didn't have to say much, and his gifts to me were endless. Through their toughness, their children soften them like no one else. It's a very special role in a man's life. I know several Dads and the one thing that make them very special is how they are about their children. Everything else in the world pales in comparison to a man's children. I miss my Dad very much and I hopefully live as the person he taught me to be.

So in this moment, I wish all the Dads out there a very Happy Father's Day.

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

A Journey Worth Taking: Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?: During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is app...

Understand The Voice Within, Can You Hear It?

During the course of our lifetime we hear so many opinions about so many things. Everything from what foods are good for you to what is appropriate to talk about at work to how many dates to wait before you have sex to what is cool in fashion or where is the best place to raise a family. Not only are we bombarded with others opinions on everything under the sun, but those opinions change. When we are young we may hear what is the best amount of time to wait before we have sex with a new boyfriend/girlfriend, but by the time we are of dating age, that can change a great deal. We may not have any attachment when we are younger to living in a particular state or city, but when it comes times to choose, we think back to what other's have said. How could we not? It's no wonder we have confusion when it comes time to make important choices.

 

I am wondering if all our lives, we hear so many different opinions, how do we make the best choices when the time comes? Whose voice do we listen to? Like me, if for years you hear how risky weight loss surgery is, how do you go from resistance and fear to taking the risk? It can be an interesting turn of events that leads us to any decision we make, especially the important ones. We may wonder, will I be disappointing my family if my family's members collectively believe it is not a good idea to marry someone of a different religion or race, I go ahead and fall in love with someone of color or a different religion. Am I letting my friends down, if they all like a certain type of music, and I like an offbeat genre that they balk at? Will people who have always said, bariatric surgery is very dangerous be supportive of my decision.

 

Now we all at first reaction say, "Who cares what others think?", but it really is how we come to make our opinions about various things. It's not that we need validation or approval, but we only had other's opinions to go by. So who do you listen to?  In an attempt to make the best decision for us, we listen to what others have had to say and base our opinions on that. Now, I am not saying everyone, always makes their important decisions this way, but it does come into play, more for some than others. No one wants to make a poor choice.

 

I believe the way our decisions are made is by ultimately listening to their own voice. Your own voice is the only one that truly knows what's best for you at any given time. Yes you may get flack for a particular choice, but at the end of the day, the only person we answer to is ourselves. We can weigh all the positive and negative things we know about a particular thing, but ultimately we will do what WE want. The answers for you are in YOU.

 

It is easy to get hung up or confused by many opinions over many years based on changing values and newly learned knowledge. The final action comes when a leap of faith is taken after listening to your own heart. Every outcome will be different for everyone of us and how we feel about something we truly won't know until it is in front of us. It's about the action and the risk. It's about trust. Not only trust that we made the best choice, but trust that if we didn't, we will be ok.

 

When I was deciding to have my surgery, I had this overwhelming calm that no matter what, I would be ok. Whether I lost weight or not, I would come out the other side changed for taking the risk. Nothing has ever changed me more.

A Journey Worth Taking: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

A Journey Worth Taking: Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!: I am almost six months out of surgery and my progress and the changes it brings are amazing. I am changing in many ways; when you lose weig...

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

I am almost six months out of surgery and my progress and the changes it brings are amazing. I am changing in many ways; when you lose weight things shift in unexpected ways. My loss is up to about 56 pounds, albeit more to go, I am so pleased. I am having some sciatica pain mostly when I sleep, but for now I can deal. My confidence level has improved too, yay.

I've been thinking a lot lately about fear and what it does. Fears and insecurities are nasty little things that close us off from many things we need or want to experience, but why? Perhaps because all our lives we hear judgments of everything and certain opinions stick with us. We hear, oh it hurts to get a needle in the arm, therefore people expect pain without even knowing if we can stand the little prick or how much it will actually hurt. We hear intimacy leads to heartache and pain, so we shy away from getting close. We give fear so much power over our actions. We build up the unknown in our minds based on what other people experienced, and how could we not; it's all we have to go on. We base our insecurities on our past failures and disappointments and expect the same outcome.

 

After years of doing this the idea of something painful causes us to shutter away from it. The anticipation fear creates is what helps brace us for how it will feel or in some cases make us stay away from the "danger". Yet we have no hard evidence there really is danger. In some cases, it may be even be better. Then the fear of success can lead to building up the feeling of losing what we gained from our risk. We create the insecurity, it's a choice. The best way to overcome our fears is to walk towards them. That gives us the control to feel the fear and master whatever it is you want to experience at the same time seeing that fear is an illusion to be laughed at.

 

There is fear in weight loss surgery and losing weight because what if I lose weight and still don't feel good about myself? What if I am still unattractive? What if I am healthier in some ways but its not enough? What if nothing in my life gets better? The truth is that losing weight guarantees only one thing, you will weigh less and surgery only guarantees you will lose weight. The fear builds up these expectations so high that anything less will be a disappointment. We may pass this along to others, therefore making weight loss and surgery something scary. The illusion vanishes when we realize that like I said in the past everything is a trade off and yes you may gain something by losing weight but lose other things you can't imagine. Faith and trust in ourselves is the strength we have to overcome the fears. You are in control of your fears and how you react to them. Run towards them and they will dissipate.

 

I can't take credit for this but fear has two options: "Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise."

 

A Journey Worth Taking: Who Were You Meant To Be?

A Journey Worth Taking: Who Were You Meant To Be?: How do you make all your dreams come true? Better yet, what do those dreams really look like? We all know that life offers no magic wand. ...

Who Were You Meant To Be?

How do you make all your dreams come true? Better yet, what do those dreams really look like? We all know that life offers no magic wand. That would be freaky and I don't even think we could handle that. What I love is seeing your dreams unfold, day in and day out. What's amazing is how you change through the "making" of dreams. Whether it be to lose weight and be the person you always wanted to be, or winning a gold medal in sports, finding a cure for cancer or even something as simple as finding the love you deserve and raising a family, the beauty of it is in the becoming before and after the dream has been achieved.

I realize it sounds cliche; its not the journey, its the destination, blah, blah, blah, but what I mean is , recognizing what it as it's happening. The true destination, I believe, is all the unexpected things you learn and how you grow throughout that process. That's where the dream is realized. 

I guess what I am wondering is it what about your "dream" is going to make you happy and fulfilled. Ok with a gold medal that's pretty clear, I guess. Or is it? Once the gold (or goal is achieved) is it over? Or is it the experiences that got you there that linger the good feelings along way after your achievement. Or better yet, if you don't win the gold, what do you truly win, and was that the true dream anyway? Is the recognition of curing cancer enough, or is it who it made you become? What was gotten out of the stumbling, and the mistakes along the way that weaves it and helps it take shape? Are there great opportunities in failures? When that caterpillar goes through that transformation and becomes that butterfly he was meant to become, where does he fly?

You can be on cloud nine but if you put it on a well made shelf that you yourself built, won't it last longer and be more real? What happens when you lose weight and look good? How did that loss change how you interact with others? How does it change how you feel about yourself? What kind of person do you want the winner to be? When it comes to your children, how you make your dreams come true molds them too, whether they are born yet or not.

I ask you to dig deep and think about these questions. I am beginning to learn and see how my weight loss is slowly making me into the person I want to be, not just look. It's making me the person I always knew I am supposed to be. That was always my dream. My weight blocked so much of that and now I am so fortunate to be able to even begin to come out from behind the shield. Like the title of this blog, this journey is truly worth taking!

A Mother of a Job

With Mother's Day this weekend I of course, have to talk about my Mom. My Mom passed away back in 1997 and I miss her terribly. She was only 71 and I was only 32. Kinda young to lose your Mom especially since my Dad died when I was only 25. She was my best friend who always cared so much about me. My Mom was remarkable because she was very intelligent and oh so quiet about it. My Dad used to mention how intelligent she was but I never realized just how smart until I was older. She was so unassuming and understated about it.

It amazed me how she sacrificed so much to raise 4 kids, and in those days that was the norm.  She had me late in life so she was always older then the Moms of my friends. She stopped working when she got pregnant with her first child and devoted herself to raising 3 boys and then me. She never wavered in how much she gave and how much she was there for us.

I have fond memories of how when I was really young and she would draw with me and teach me different things; we would draw gas station logos. She didn't drive so we would walk together to the stores. She took the time to play games with me. She was always so sweet and always listened. Usually supportive of my choices, but knew when to steer me away from something not so good.

I remember one of the most fun times with her was when I was graduating from high school and we were preparing for my party. She and I decided to carve our own watermelon boat. We got very silly and had a ball putting that thing together. It was a little lopsided but it was good.

When I was going through rough times, she was so there for me. I gave her a hard time sometimes but like most mothers she never wavered in loving me. She would always try to help me lose weight even though I would resist it. I took things out on her sometime and it amazes me how mothers may get hurt but it doesn't matter, they still love you. She wasn't perfect by any means, but she did her best and I feel so lucky to have been raised by her. Never do I realize that more than these days. She instilled respect for others in me and that is just one of the many wonderful things she showed me.

In her quiet way she molded four children into wonderful adults just by being herself and loving them very much. I am happy for the things she taught me and the values she practiced. She taught by example and I wish she could have seen her grandchild grow up. She was very devoted and always put us before herself. If that's not the definition of a Mom, I don't know what is.

One of the saddest things I remember is when I had my first real job, one of the board members remembered my Mom from high school and he asked me what she went on to do and I told him she was a housewife. He said that's too bad because she was super smart. I felt badly because I wondered about what she could have been. As we know, in the 50's and 60's a lot of women took this route. She was a little too soon for the women's movement. Who knows how remarkable she could have been during a different time period.

As her daughter I can only be a living tribute to her by being a good respectful person and never slide away from the values she taught me. Maybe somehow she can hear this blog and hopefully be proud of me. Like her I am far from perfect, but the best things about myself, she gave me. In her housewife life, she accomplished so much. It is still carried on through her children and grandchildren.

Being a Mom is like nothing else. It is the hardest, most gut wrenching job ever. I'm not even a Mom and I know that. It's messy, aggravating, harsh, funny, tiring, wonderful and non stop. It is the most important job in the world; there is no training, no manual to refer to. So it's good we have a day to honor all the Mothers in our lives. They are all remarkable. Happy Mother's Day to all.

A Journey Worth Taking: Everything Is A Trade Off

A Journey Worth Taking: Everything Is A Trade Off: Why is it that getting started with something you want to change or improve is so difficult? It's the starting that is so hard, then on...

Everything Is A Trade Off

Why is it that getting started with something you want to change or improve is so difficult? It's the starting that is so hard, then once we get going, it's usually fine. I have been slow to get back into exercising, but once I start it, I enjoy it. A lot of times its something we enjoy but beginning it is often resisted.

 

It's an odd thing; whether its cleaning a closet, or exercising and dieting or even starting a fun craft project, which are all positive things, some people can't seem to get started. Perhaps its commitment or change but these things will make us feel good and yet many resist.

 

Exercising not just for weight loss but for life is important. I couldn't exercise when I was at my heaviest, obviously, but now it amazes me how far I can walk. I have now been getting back into it and it feels great. The more I think about it, the more I realize it may lead back to one thing that I always say. Everything is a trade off. Whatever we do to gain something positive, serves up its losses. With things like projects and cleaning, even exercising we give up time, precious time which goes way too fast as it is. I feel like time is so precious in our lives today that we hold on to it dearly. It could also mean money is that trade off that we are not too quick to part with. Or it could just be the energy it takes to make changes.

 

Time and money are the two things that anything and everything brings to sacrifice. There is no getting out of the trade offs of life. Even losing weight has it's trade off. Now that I am thinner I can't hide behind that excuse to exercise. I can't use that excuse for much anymore.

 

Trade offs are only one of the reasons we can't get started with things, I realize that it's more complex than that, and this is just one thing that comes to my mind. I don't claim to have all the answers but want to share my insights and my outlook and offer food for thought.

 

I for one would love to just roll into making changes, but they rarely seem to come easy to me. I suspect for others as well. So here's to embracing change and cleaning your closet.

 

A Journey Worth Taking: Old Days, Good Times I Remember

A Journey Worth Taking: Old Days, Good Times I Remember: I love the internet, there is an endless supply of information, but what I absolutely love is the nostalgia. If you were like me and grew up...

Old Days, Good Times I Remember

I love the internet, there is an endless supply of information, but what I absolutely love is the nostalgia. If you were like me and grew up in the 70's there is so much out there. Recently I found a great deal of 60's and 70's memories on Pinterest and other sites. Great stuff.

Wow it took me back to my childhood so fast and so well. I grew up with some awesome stuff; stuff I had forgotten about completely. Things like Dawn Dolls and Lite Brite, Big Wheels, Rockem Sockem Robots, and click clacks. I saw such great pictures of Spirograph, Hoppin Poppies, Etch A Sketch, Hungry Hippos, Toss Across and Stretch Armstrong to name a few. 

Oh the clothes; platform shoes, Ponchos, bell bottom pants, and polyester suites. Afros and thick mustaches. I had to laugh at some of the things on these sites. The 60's too with the GoGo boots and mini skirts. The decor too, lots of bright orange and yellow. Green appliances and half paneled half wall-papered dining rooms; funky furniture with lots of velvet and crocheted items, canopy beds and plastic fruit on dining room tables.

I remember Love's Baby Soft, Libbyland frozen dinners, Snack N Cake, Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific, Dippity Doo, Mood Rings, Pet Rocks, Sears Wish Book, HR Puf N Stuf, Happy Days, Laugh In, Starsky and Hutch and Mary Tyler Moore.

I don't think I have to mention the music or the prices. The music is endless, and I remember when a slice of Pizza was $.45. The gas shortage brings back memories, Son of Sam, the Jonestown Massacre, Three Mile Island, Mark Spitz, Secretariat and of course Watergate.

I could literally go on all day. The main thing I realize is that these things are a part of who we are, forever. I was young in a great time and I wouldn't change it at all. The other thing I realize is that the longing to go back isn't about things as much as missing those who we loved and lost and that feeling of being a kid; when you were safe and loved and didn't have a care in the world. My generation had innocence and we were kids. 

There are several links if anyone is interested: www.inthe70s.com, www.inthe80s.com,   www.inthe90s.com www.stuckinthe70s.com  www.80snostalgia.com  www.doo-wop.org

The reason this ties into weight loss is that there was one day a few years back when I smelled a familiar smell sorta like french fries but it was unique and it reminded me of Playland (the amusement park I grew up going to) and it made me happy and it made me want french fries, but then it dawned on me that it was my Dad who used to take me there and it was him I was missing. That was an eye opener for me. I didn't go get french fries, I searched for my childhood memories online that reminded me of the love I grew up with and that made me happier than any food ever can. 

A Journey Worth Taking: Learning to Walk To Life

A Journey Worth Taking: Learning to Walk To Life: My progress has brought me to a 52 pound weight loss. I kinda can't believe it. In only three months, 52 pounds. It's truly a bless...

Learning to Walk To Life

My progress has brought me to a 52 pound weight loss. I kinda can't believe it. In only three months, 52 pounds. It's truly a blessing to have had this surgery. I am feeling better physically than I have in many years. I am thrilled and so grateful. Soon it will be time to buy new clothes. Thus far it has been amazing and I learn something new, just about every day.

For years being overweight was this big thick black cloud over my head. I was constantly aware of it, and it blocked me from so many things. Now the cloud is lifting and the bright sun is overwhelming at times. There are so many different directions and much freedom in front of me now that I no longer have to focus on the black cloud.

I lost weight and am feeling better and looking better. To that I say now what, exactly?? It's not an uncommon feeling for people who have lost weight quickly. I know what I would do if I won a big money in the lotto but I never asked myself what will I do if I lose a lot of weight. It sounds simple but it's not simple at all. I realize that projecting more confidence will open doors for me and make things easier, but what exactly does that mean ? 

I tend to be hard on myself and expect a lot so one of my goals is to slow down and not freak out if I can't change my life as quickly as I am losing weight. It's different for everyone, but for me I just want to take my time and figure out what changes I really want to make. If for years all you focused on was the fact that you are overweight and that suddenly changes, it can be a strange road to a better life. I am trying to figure it out and am trying to be okay with the slow movement. 

The hormonal changes that come with losing weight seem to be throwing things off for me. It's a lot like when a child is learning to walk for the first time; they want to run everywhere but need they need to get used to walking first. They fall and get up and go again, and they always learn. With rapid weight loss it feels like the mind needs to catch up to the body. It's exciting and stressful all at the same time. 

I am just really happy with my progress and can't believe it sometimes. Now if I can figure out the rest of it, I will be golden.